You lie there beside him, just holding each other for a long time. Occasionally he carefully touches your bandaid. You look up at his face.

– Does Pierce know about your phobia for knifes?

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He lets his hand rest on your bandaid.

– Does it hurt?

You shake your head. Then you lean into him, resting your forehead on his.

– Does he know?

– No, he doesn’t. And he don’t need to.

You sit up. At first he puts his hand on your back, before he sits up as well.

– What if you end up in a fight someday, where the enemy is a woman? What do you do then?

He looks at you. For a long time. Not saying anything.

– I never thought of that.

You stand up. Collect your clothes, you put on your underwear, and your t shirt. Rumlow sits there, looking at you. Then you go out into the living room. Pick up the knifes, before you go back to the bedroom. You don’t say anything. You just place the knifes on the nightstand. Then you walk over to the closet. Rumlow comes after you, and stops you.

– What are you doing?

– Helping you get rid of your phobia. It’s called exposure therapy. Here, put this on!

You give him some sweatpants. He takes them. Puts them on.

– What are you going to do, YN?

You turn towards him. Place your hands on his hips. Before leaning up to his face, place a kiss on his lips.

– We’re gonna play.

He swallows.

– Play?

– Yes, Brock. Play. If I win, I get to decide everything for the rest of the day.

– And if I win?

– I’ll decide what you’ll do to me!

He swallows again.

– I don’t know if I like where this is going.

You gently grab the necklace around his neck. Slowly dragging his face down to yours, before you whisper in his ear.

– You will….

He takes a deep breath, before he walks over to the nightstand. Pick up his knife. You gently grab his wrist.

– You don’t need that…. Yet..

Rumlow puts the knife back down on the nightstand.

– So…. What’s this game?

You take two steps backwards. Look at him.

– We’re gonna fight.

– I’m not gonna fight you, YN!

You tilt your head. Give him a little smile. He swallows again.

– What if I hurt you again?

– This is the whole point of exposure therapy, Brock! You have to do this things, so you learn that you wont hurt me.

– What if…

You walk up to him again. Put your finger over his lips.

– I trust you, Brock! You won’t hurt me. Do you trust me?

He nods.

– Then let’s do this! Come on!

In one swift move, you pin his right arm behind his back.

– Smart move, sweetheart. But not smart enough.

He grabs you with his left arm, spins you around to the front of him. Your back against him. And he holds you immobile.

– So this is how you want it, huh?

You ask. He leans down, whispers in your ear.

– I kinda like having you in this position, YN!

– Don’t get too comfortable. Jack taught me some trix!

When you say the last word, you do what Rollins taught you that first day. Use your back, and your leverage to throw Rumlow over your shoulder. He lands on his feet knees bent in front of you. He slowly stands up. Turns towards you. Smiles at you, and tilts his head.

– You really think I’d fall for that? That’s the oldest trick in the book!

– Who said I was done?

You get in fighting position, and Rumlow launches towards you. He’s fast, but so are you. Blocking each others attacks one after another.

– Pierce was right. You have excelled!

– Shut up and focus, Brock. You lose focus, I win!

Rumlow grabs your wrist. You quickly take aversive action. One leg over his arm holding yours, before pulling your body backwards dragging him with you. Then you wrap both your legs around his shoulders and his neck. His hand trapped underneath you. He is immobilised.

– What du you think about this?

He smiles at you.

– Good, Agent. Very good. I’m impressed. But you see. Speed isn’t everything. You also need strength.

His free hand takes a hold around your waist, lifting you up. Flipping you around. Placing you on all fours, with your legs on the floor and your upper body pushed down on the bed, pinning your arms on your back. Holding you there for a while, before he leans down, and whisper in your ear.

– I think you lost.

– Is that what you think?

He gently bites your earlobe.

– Try to get out of this, sweetheart!

– That’s not what I ment!

He lets go of you. Turns you around. You lie down on the bed. Look up at him.

– I won. That means I decide what to do to you.

You laugh.

– That’s not what I said, Brock!

He looks like a question mark.

– I said, if you win I get to decide what YOU were going to do to me. You see. I rigged the game. It’s like strip poker. Even if I lose, I win.

He places his hands on his hips. Shakes his head.

– You tricked me!

You slowly shake your head.

– No, Brock. I outsmarted you. There’s a difference.

– Already thinking like an Agent. Good, YN!

You look at him, before you lift your finger, telling him to come down to you. He gets down on the bed, slowly making his way up to your face.

– So.. What do you want me to do to you?

You give him a teasing smile. Before you let your hand glide down his upper body.

– Undress me, Brock!

He leans down, parting his lips, before taking your bottom lip between his. Your wrap your arms around him. Parting your lips, letting your tongue meet his. His hands glide down your side. Grabbing your shirt, before he lifts you up on his lap, dragging your shirt over your head. Marveling your upper body, and your lace laid underwear. He lets his hand glide down your back, ready to get your bra off you.

– Stop!

He stops. Lets his hands fall down to your thighs. Looking at you.

– Are you teasing me, YN?

Again you smile to him. Before you reach for his knife on the nightstand. He follows your movement. His hands twitching on your thights. He knows what’s about to happen.

You present the knife to him. He looks at you for a while, before taking it. With the knife in his hand, he continues to look at you.

– Use that!

You’re surprised that your voice is as confident as it is. You could have taken it too far with this.

– What?

Rumlow looks from the knife and up to your face. You slowly lie down again.

– Take my underwear off, with that!

– YN?

– I trust you, Brock!

He slowly lifts up the knife, look at it. Before he carefully places it underneath one of the straps on your bra. You look at him. Noding your head. Telling him that this is OK.

– Good boy…

You look from the angel and back to Rumlow. Then you swallow. You don’t know what to say. So you put your hand on his thigh. Carefully holding the angel with the other one.

– Do you want to talk about it?

He slowly turns his head towards you. His eyes already wet with tears. He is actually crying. This must be something really serious. He looks at the bandaid on your arm.

– I made it for my mom….

His voice breaking when he says the word «mom». Then he bends down, puts his face in his hands, and the dam breaks. He cries so hard, he’s shaking. You place the angel on the table, and put your arms around him. Resting your head on his upper arm.

– I’m sorry, Brock. If this is too hard. You don’t have to.

He sits back up, dry off his tears. Looks at you.

– You deserve to know, YN! I need for you to know.

You nod, slowly.

– She’s dead!

Again, you don’t know what to say. So you take his hand in yours. He squeezes it.

– Thank you, YN!

– For what?

– For sticking with me!

– I’ll never leave you, Brock!

Then he tells you. About how he made the angel at school. Used the colors his mom liked the most. Carved her name at the bottom of the angel. Eager to get home, to give it to her. Like every eight year old would be. And about how he found his mom, lying on the kitchen floor, when he got home. And how difficult his life became after that. How he was moved from foster home to foster home, never finding his true place in life. How he acted out. Got into fights, and never excelled at school. And how he eventually in-listed in the military.

When he’s done talking. He just looks at you.

– Where is your father?

He squeezes your hand again.

– Dead!

He says it without any emotion. Not like when he talked about his mom. It’s like his father never existed to him. You swallow..

– Did…

– He killed her!

This is insane! How can anyone survive a loss like that? Losing both parents at such a young age… You felt bad too, when your parents made the choice about you. But at least they’re both still alive.

– So I killed him!

His voice so hard it almost scares you. He killed his own father?

– He didn’t just kill her, YN. He killed a part of me that day. And I promised myself that I would never feel anything ever again. And I managed that…. Until you showed up!

You? What does he mean?

– I… I never ment for…

He carefully lifts your face up to his.

– I didn’t mean it like that! I fell in love with you. I love you, YN! And I treated you like shit! And now… now I hurt you!

He touches the bandaid.

– It… It was an accident, Brock. It happens!

– Not with me. I TOLD Pierce that I didn’t want to do this. And I don’t understand why he insisted that I do it. Rollins is just as good as me. To draw a knife on a woman.. That’s something I swore I’d never do!

He starts to bend over again. So you strattle him. Grab his face with both hands, look him in the eye.

– Brock! Listen to me! I love you. And you didn’t draw a knife on me. We were sparring. Training. Accidents do happen you know.

– How can you be so calm about this? I stabbed you!

You place a soft kiss on his lips.

– No you didn’t, Brock. The knife hit my arm. If anything it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. Look. Let’s take a break. Get some food or something. And then we’ll find a different way to do this. A way that doesn’t get any of us hurt. Sounds good?

He nods.

– I love you, YN!

You smile at him, then you kiss him again.

– I love you too, Brock!

Your lips meet again. The kiss is so good, you don’t realise that he removes your gear belt.

– Come here, princess!

He stands up, and you wrap your legs around his waist. Between kisses and soft bites on your neck, he carries you into the bedroom.

You’ve never had this kind of experience with him before. At least not the sex part. He is so soft and tender. Exploring your whole body with his hands. Slowly removing your clothes, as well as his own. It’s like the most romantic thing you’ve ever experienced.

He’s usually rough, dominant, dirty talker. Not this time. This time he’s different. Takes his time with you. Only concentrating on you. No handcuffs. No orders. No hard or dirty talk. When he finally gets on top of you, you’re aching for him, all of him. His eyes on yours, when he enters you.

– You are so beautiful! I love you!

You touch his chest. Carefully exploring every part, every muscle.

– I love you too, Brock!

Having him inside you, and hearing him talking to you in this soothing, romantic way, is if possible even better than the rough dominant way. Feeling him massaging your walls every time he moves himself back and forth inside of you. His breathing and his moans in your ear, and against your skin. His lips tasting your skin, and yours tasting his.

– I… I can’t hold it anymore, YN!

You don’t answer. Instead you kiss his neck the way you know drives him insane. His moans, when he’s coming, is one of the sexiest sounds you’ve ever heard. He stays on top of you for a while. Looking at you. Before he lies down beside you. Pulling you close to him.

– I’m sorry, YN!

– For what?

– I didn’t.. You didn’t finish!

You smile at him.

– Brock.. It was amazing!

– Yes, it was.. But you still didn’t finish!

– It’s no big deal, Brock. It’s not like I expect to finish every time.

He slides his fingers up and down your spine. You lean your head back, and close your eyes. And Rumlow kisses your neck..

– It’s a big deal for me, YN! I want you to feel good!

He continues to kiss your neck.

– Mmmmmm.. You do…

– Then let me make you finish….

His fingers finds your clit. Massaging it. The feeling in indescribable. After everything this is insanely intense. His lips on your neck. And his fingers stroking back and forth over your clit.

– Goooood! Aaahhhaaa!

– Yes, princess! Do you like it?

– Yes! Don’t stop!

Soft bites on your neck.

– I’ll never stop. You’re so beautiful like this, YN!

You can feel that you are close. You almost forget how to breathe. Every muscle in your body is preparing for the tsunami that’s about to come, rushing over you. You move your head so you can see him.

– Look at me, Brock!

He ups the pace on his fingers. Looks at you, smiling. Then the wave hits. You grab his arm, holding it in place.

– You are so incredibly beautiful when you’re coming!

He continues to move his fingers over you. Your whole body spasms. Your moans echoing in the walls. You’re so sensitive his touch almost hurts. But you keep your grip of his arm. Looking into his eyes, looking at you with so much love, so much compassion, so much…

Finally he stops. Lets you breathe out the last few waves. Then he kisses you. A long, slow, soft kiss.

– I want you forever, YN!

– I am yours, Brock! Forever!

You stay at the hotel all through the weekend. Truth be told, you really don’t have anywhere else to go. But the room isn’t exactly free, so Monday morning, you decide to move into your SUV, just until you can get your apartment back in shape. No use in talking to Rumlow. You basically told him to come to you, when he was ready. But, oh lord how you miss his hands on you.

When you park the SUV in the SHIELD garage, you’re actually looking forward to training. To get out of your head for a while. Fighting is something you know how to do. It comes easy to you. And when you fight, you can forget Rumlow for a while.

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Just as you’re about to enter the training area, Rollins shouts your name.

– Hey, YN. Pierce wants you in his office!

You blood runs cold throughout your body. Did Rumlow say something about what happened this weekend. That you froze up. Will you be fired? The Rumlow you thought you knew would’ve never done that. But you have come to the conclusion that you do not know him at all. And that side of him that you do not know. That side might do something like this.

– Did.. Do you know why?

Rollins shakes his head, before he places a hand on your shoulder.

– Probably something about field training or some shit. Don’t stress it, YN!

The five story elevator ride from the training area, up to Pierces office feels like a month. A long month. You prepare yourself for the worst. You know you froze up. But you haven’t been training that long. And you should really be allowed one mess up. At least since it wasn’t in the field. And no one died.

When you reach Pierces door, you lift you arm to knock, but then you hear Rumlows voice. You stop. Maybe this is your chance, to know what he doesn’t want to talk about. Is he trying to protect you from something?

– With all due respect, sir. I won’t do that!

Rumlow sounds angry, even when he uses that respectful tone. This is something he really don’t want to do.

– This is not up for discussion, Lt. Rumlow! Knifes are your specialty. And I clearly remember you asking to train her!

Silence.. Should you keep listening in? No, this feels wrong. He should tell you when he’s ready. You knock..

– Come on in, Agent YLN!

You open. Rumlow’s standing by his chair. He didn’t even sit down? This must be something really uncomfortable. But didn’t Pierce mention knifes? You can’t imagine Rumlow being uncomfortable around knifes. You still remember how he handled the knife that night at the bar with David. How it almost looked like it was glued to his hand, like it was a part of him. Him being afraid of knifes is just not an option. Is it you then? He doesn’t want to spend time with you.

– Agent YLN. Meet your special weapons and firearms trainer! I believe you already know him.

You look at Rumlow. He looks down. Absolutely not like him. Is it you, or is it this Pierce guy?

– uh.. err.. Yes. I know him. What about Ja… Agent Rollins?

– You have excelled Agent YLN. I believe Agent Rollins has done what he can do. So I’m handing you over to Lt. Rumlow. You’ll start right away.

Pierce turns to Rumlow.

– Agent Rollins will step in as head of Field Ops, while you spend time with our new recruite.

Rumlow keeps looking down. You’re unsure if Pierce notices. But you do. You know this look. This was how he looked at you at the hotel. You thought it was anger at first. But maybe it’s something else. A grief or a loss of some kind. You swallow.

– Is that understood Lt.?

– Yes Sir!

– Dismissed!

Rumlow turns around, doesn’t look at you, just walks straight pass you. You follow. Yet again you walk behind him. Will you ever find back to what you had? Not even in the elevator he’s looking at you. You try not to look at him ether. But it’s almost impossible.

When you reach the right floor, he doesn’t say anything. He just exits the elevator, and walk towards the training area. When he walks pass Rollins. He throws a set of keys to him. Rollins catches them mid air.

– You’re head of Field Ops. Pierce wanted me to do special weapons training with this one.

Oh, so that’s what you are now? «This one». Rollins looks at you. You send him an «I’m OK look» but you know that he doesn’t believe you. You don’t believe it yourself either. But Pierce gave you an order, and you, as an Agent and an employee, you are expected to follow that order.

Inside the training area, Rumlow stops in front of you, turns around. For a while you just look at each other. Why can’t he just say something. He can yell at you even. Everything is better than this silent treatment.

– Would you mind if we did this some other place?

Is it fear you hear in his voice? You look at him.

– Look, YN! I…

He clears his throat.

– Pierce gave me an order. And I’ll follow through. But maybe we could train at my place?

His place? That place he once called our place. You haven’t been there since you left. And now he wants you back there. Why can’t you do the training here at SHIELD. All the equipment you need is here. It feels more rational to do it here. But, then again, what do you know? He’s the expert.

– Sure? Whatever you say Lt.

He gives you a sharp nod, before he turns and walks to the door. You don’t move. What just happened? Is he really that adamant on not telling you, that he decided to treat you like a regular employee?

– What are you waiting for, Agent? Let’s go!

Did… Did he just pull rank on you? Well, guess the relationship is over. Then, what are you still doing here, YN? Oh, yeah.. That’s right. You have no place else to go. Your parents don’t want you back, and well.. You started fresh. It wasn’t easy. But you did. Are you really prepared to do that all over again? You sigh, then you follow him down to the garage.

You don’t say anything the whole ride back to his place. You can feel your eyes start to burn, but you push it away. You left, YN! Remember! You left because he didn’t want to talk to you. He didn’t want to share. He shut you out. And you couldn’t deal with that.

Up in his apartment, you look around. He redecorated. Two new shelves up on the wall, and a new table and dresser. Did he want to get every memory of you out of his apartment?

Rumlow leaves for the bedroom. You study the shelves. Some medals, and pictures, and an angel made of clay. Looks like something a kid would make at school. Does he have kids? It wouldn’t surprise you. He never used protection with you, and he never asked if you did. It would most certainly not be a surprise if he had more than one child. And that would of course be something he’d be afraid to tell you. But why? If he does have children, why would he think that would bother you?

– Brock?

You take a deep breath.. Well, there’s no turning back now..

– Yeah!

How do you ask? What do you say? You want him to know that you’re OK with this. That him having children doesn’t bother you. But how do you ask the question in a manner that’ll say just that?

Rumlow comes back from the bedroom, he puts a black bag down on the floor in front of him. Looks at you.

– Something you wanted to say?

You clear your throat. Look up at the angel on the shelf again. He follows your eyes. And.. Was that a defeat you saw in his eyes? Why is this so hard for him to tell you? Children are great. You always wanted a family. Of course, you kinda always managed to find «the right» men. So, well. No kids for you. At least not yet.

– Do you have a child?

Almost before you enter his hotel room, your lips meet. Hands searching each others bodies. Gear belts falling to the floor, followed by the rest of your clothes. He looks at you, gliding his hand over your breasts. Look down on them, and then he looks back up at you. You swallow.

– Lie down!

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His voice, his eyes on you. You need him. Right now. You touch his chest. He puts his hand over yours, all the time he’s looking at you.

– Lie down!

You walk over to the bed, and lie down on it. Your whole body aches for him. You’re floating over with wetness. You look up at him, standing over you. Already rock hard. Standing proud. You feel the urge to taste him, but you don’t move.

– Put your arms over your head!

You move your arms, place them over your head.

– Good girl!

You love it when he says that to you. That means you did good, and that he’ll reward you. His eyes up and down your body.

– Spread your legs….

His voice is calm. Like he could do this forever. How is he doing this? You can’t even talk. You move your legs apart. Just a little. He looks at you.

– More!

You continue to look at him. The way he looks at you. Hungry, horny. You need him inside. Now! You move your legs more.

– Perfect!

He slowly makes his way up to your face. His biceps flexing. You can’t take your eyes away from the vains on his arms. Fuck!

You feel him between your legs. You buck your hips. You need him inside. What is he waiting for?

He grabs your arms. Looking intently into your eyes.

– I need you, YN! I want you! So you’ll have to pick a safe word!

You gasp. Safe word? He leans down and almost growls in your ear.

– Safe word, YN! You’ll need it.

He carefully bites your neck.

– Red!

You surprise yourself, that you’re capable of talking. He looks at you again.

– Perfect! Turn around!

You don’t move. Right now. He can do whatever he want’s to you. You just want him. You want that angry sex. That make up sex. You want it all.

– Turn. Around!

You smirk at him. You know him now. This is not like the first night. When you didn’t know what he was going to do.

– No!

He smiles at you. Teasing.

– You want to play games! Perfect!

He lets his hand glide over you, before he lets his index finger circle your clit. Careful not to touch it directly. Just circling it. You move with him. He thigthens his grip of your arms.

– Stay still, princess!

You desperately try to follow his command. But God how you need for him to touch you.

– Please…

You beg. This is driving you insane. He leans down, growling in your ear again.

– Shut up!

You suck in a breath. Fuck! Maybe you should’ve just turned around like he told you?

He continue to circle your clit. You can’t stay still, your legs shaking. You NEED for him to touch you. When you buck your hips this time. He stops. Gets up from the bed, and walk over to his clothes. Lifting his gear belt up. Removing the handcuffs from it, and then a rope. You follow him with your eyes. But you don’t dare to sit up. Is he going to tie you up?

He crawls up to your face again. Slowly he secures your arms to the bedpost. His chest over your face. You can’t hold back. You lift your head up, and let your tongue touch his skin. He sits up. Looking down at you.

– You want to taste me, don’t you?

You nod.

– Well, if you keep being a brat. I’ll make you wait!

– Please… I…

He takes a soft hold of your hair, and kisses you intently.

– You can keep being a brat. You just gonna have to live with the consequences.

– Please, Brock! I want you!

Another kiss.

– I want you too, princess…. All night!

It’s almost like you can’t breathe. All night?

– Fuck, Brock! Please…

He doesn’t answer. Instead he moves down on you. Letting his tongue glide over you.

– Shi… God!

– Good Girl! Stay still! Totally still!

This is going to be impossible. He isn’t wasting any time. His fingers joins his tongue, and instantly hits that spot. You can’t even make a sound, all your attention goes into lying still. You press your bottom down into the mattress. Your legs shaking. Toes curling.

– Fuck… Br… I… I’m going…. to…

– Ah ah…

He isn’t leaving your flesh. Lips closing over your clit, as the bubbling feeling takes over your entire body. His free hand holding your hips in place, as the orgasm rushes through your body.

Even before the waves of the orgasm leaves you, you know you screwed up. He told you to stay still. You didn’t.

– I’m sorry.. Sorry..

He slips his fingers out of you, and glides them over you, before he spanks you. You jump.

– I’m sorry… Sorry..

He grabs your inner thighs. Squeezing them.

– You’re sorry, huh?

He spanks you again. You suck in a breath. You could yell out «RED» but at the same time you want to be under his command. It’s thrilling. Just like when he spanked you, the first night.

– You know what happens to brats, right?

– Yes…

– What?

– They get punished?

He smiles.

– Good girl! What do you want me to do to you?

You don’t understand the question. Is he going to have you decide what he’s gonna do to punish you?

– What?

He gets on top of you. Pressing himself down on you. You buck your hips up against him. He grabs your chin, presses his lips down on yours, biting your bottom lip.

– I would stay absolutely still. If I were you!

– Brock, please.. I need you…

– Tell. Me. What. You. Want?

You look at him. You can’t do this. You want him, and you miss him like crazy. But you don’t get him. One second he is sweet and caring, and the other he is closed off. And now..

– Red!

He looks at you. Before taking the handcuffs off you. You turn away from him. He lies still for a while before he puts a hand on your shoulder.

– YN? Did I do something wrong?

You shrug.

– No, we’re cool. I just don’t get you..

He sniffles. Is he crying?

– What do you want from me, YN? Tell me, and I’ll give it to you!

You turn around. Look at him.

– I want you to talk to me, Brock! I want to know YOU!

– What do you want to know?

You lift your hand, to touch him. But then you put it back down.

– Mostly… Why you haven’t spoken to me in a week. Why you checked into this hotel? About your life, your childhood.

He turns to his back. Puts his hands over his face.

– I love you, YN! But… There’s some things I just can’t share with you yet…

You look at him. It sounds serious. And you can feel the tears burning behind your eyes. You can’t do this. As long as he’s not willing to share, you can’t do this. No matter how fantastic the sex part is. You need more than that. You get up from the bed. Start to put your clothes back on. He’s still lying there, with his hands over his face.

You don’t bother putting your gear belt back on, you just lift it up. When you reach the door, you turn around.

– Well, let me know when you can!

Then you leave his room. When you close the door behind you, you can hear something hitting it. He got angry again. It’s not that you’re afraid of him. You just can’t deal with his rapid mood swings.

When you finally get to your room, you let your tears run free. Why is love so hard all the time?

– I was actually coming to talk to you. Pierce approved you, and I asked some of the guys if they wanted to go out an celebrate. If you’re up for it.

Pierce approved you? You’re not even done with your training yet. You haven’t even used the knife. And you’re not familiar with combat under water. Or IN water..

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– He what?

You can almost see Rollins’ smile through the phone.

– He saw how you did at target practice, and he always keeps one eye on the training area. Guess he thought you were ready. So? Celebrate?

Celebrate? Well, you do need a drink.

– Sure. I’ll celebrate with you. Oh, crap..

You take a deep breath and look towards your bathroom. Getting ready will not be easy, closing in on impossible in this mess.

– Something on your mind? I do believe he’ll be there, if that’s what you’re thinking about. He’s your boss after all.

– No, no, that’s not what I’m asking. It’s just that my shower is smashed…

You sigh. Perfect. Drinks with Rumlow and the guys, and you’re gonna show up looking like a rag doll.

– I’ll come and pick you up, YN. You can use my shower. No problem.

You hang up. Look down on your body. You still have your gear on. Maybe you should pack something else to wear out tonight. This outfit feels like an invite to a fight.

You just finish packing a bag, when Rollins knocks on your door. You throw the bag over your shoulder, and go to open.

The first thing you see, when you open the door is a paper with your picture on it, your information, and at the very bottom, Pierces signature and a red «APPROVED» stamped over it.

– Agent YLN! Ready for your first assignment?

You laugh a bit. Like a celebration is an assignment.

– And what might that be, Agent Rollins?

– Fix things with Agent Rumlow! We have to trust each other out there, we are responsible for each others lifes. Communication is Key!

You close your eyes.

«I thought you said I wasn’t worth it!»

He probably won’t even talk to you now. Maybe you should just quit. You don’t want to bother Rollins with that, so instead you fake a smile.

– Maybe after a few drinks. Right now I want to take that shower.

—————————————

Rollins’ apartment is just two blocks away from Rumlows. Also on the top floor. Aside from the interiour the apartments are identical. Rollins sits down on his couch.

– The bathroom is yours, Agent.

Happy that you can finally take a shower, and put on some clothes that doesn’t scream «fight me now» you walk into the bathroom. In there, you find a new set of gear for you. SHIELD mark on the arm. Just like all the other Agents have. You lift up the gear belt. Is it just you, or is this heavier? You pop your head out of the bathroom door.

– Jack! I can’t wear this tonight!

– Yes, you can. We all do. Remember, this is a part of your body now! Learn to live with it!

Listen to him, YN! He’s the one who trained you. He’s the one that got you approved….

…..And if your gut feeling is correct. Some dumbass drunk guy is going to try and fight you tonight. Let’s just hope he’s really drunk…

————————————————-

The shower helped. And you weren’t wrong when you felt the gear belt being heavier. There is some new additions to it. A retraction rope, and extra ammunition to name a few. Are these guys expecting a fight all the time? Will you also have to expect that now?

It’s already dark, when you walk towards the pub down the street. The same pub you met Br… Rumlow in. You take a deep breath. Just a couple of drinks. If it get’s too weird, you can always go to the hotel you booked.

– Nervous, YN? Come on, you deserve this. First round is on me!

Rollins voice drags you back to reality.

– A little bit.. I mean, what do I say to him. Communication haven’t exactly been blooming lately.

– Say what you feel, YN!

You stop. Do you even know what you feel anymore? Sure, you love him. But is that enough? Will you be able to live with him and this mood swings, his temper? His inability to say what’s really on his mind?

Rollins stops a couple of steps in front of you. Turns around.

– Changed your mind? You don’t want to go?

He comes over to you. Takes a hold of your shoulders.

– Listen, YN! Rumlow is an Alpha male! And we can be difficult from time to time. But from what I know about you, you’re an Alpha female. So you should be able to take it. Make him talk, YN! It’ll get better then.

Make him talk? Talk about what? All he cares about is his job! He called what you talked about pillow talk. All he cares about is following orders, SHIELD and hiding his emotions. Maybe it used to be you… But it’s not anymore…

– Hey, YN! He really does like you. Trust me. I can tell. I’ve known him since we were 18. Two drinks. Then you can leave!

Fine.. You can manage two drinks. Only two. To celebrate, right? Come on, YN. You can do this.

A lot of the other Agents are already there when you arrive. You know some of them. But some of them you haven’t even met yet. Rollins introduces you as the new asset on the team, the conversation centers around your training, and how highly Pierce talks about you. You try to concentrate, and answer their questions. But your mind is filled with Rumlow, and there is a guy at your table that keeps sending you hard looks. You don’t know why. Is he mad because you’re a girl, or does he think that you got a place on the team because of Rumlow? You try to send a hard look back, but he just continues to look at you. This whole situation is making you nervous. What is this guys problem?

– Started without me I see…

Rumlows voice behind you. You don’t turn around. But when he sits down on the empty chair next to you, you look at him. He glances at you. But nothing more.

You keep talking to the others. This is actually pretty nice, all things considered.

– Hey hey, wait up.. I just have to put my make up on first..

The angry guy from across the table, he looks at you when he’s talking. But you can tell that he’s talking ABOUT you, and not TO you. Where did this comment come from? Haven’t you proved your worth? Your skills? Isn’t it enough that Pierce approved you?

Rumlow slams his hand down on the table. You jump.

– WHAT!?!?

Rumlow looks at the guy, and you recognise the look from that day out in the hall, outside his office. When he fired that guy, and everybody found out about your relationship.

– It was a joke, Rumlow!

The other guys voice almost trembling. Is he scared of Rumlow?

– We do NOT crack jokes on fellow Agents expense! Especially the females!

The guy swallows. He doesn’t take his eyes away from Rumlow. It’s almost like he thinks that Rumlow can jump over the table and beat his ass at any second. This was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. Why does things like this continue to happen to you? You stand up.

– I… I’m just gonna go and PUT MY MAKE UP ON!

You emphasis the words, and look at the guy. Hopefully he’ll stop while he’s still ahead. You don’t want to watch this unfold. So you leave for the ladies room.

Again you find yourself standing in there. Leaning against the sink. Looking at yourself in the mirror. The only thing that changed are your outfit, and your fighting skills. If someone assaults you now, you can easily overpower them. Rollins taught you good. You take a deep breath, before walking out the door.

– Hey, YN! Wait up!

You turn around. It’s that guy. Did he follow you?

– What’s up?

You try to sound casual and calm, but you feel like your voice is shaking. You can handle yourself, YN. What are you afraid of?

He comes all the way up in your face. You maintain eye contact, like Rollins taught you.

– Rumlow kicked my Brother off the squad, and then suddenly we’re going Co-ed. And you, YOU’RE fucking your way up the floors aren’t you?

He lifts his arm. Is he going to hit you? Your mind instantly goes back to David. How he hit you, again and again. How you day after day, week after week, moth after month, year after year went to work with the same black eye, and the same excuse.

And then, you remember the night you met Rumlow. Davids hand around your throat. How you though you were going to die. How Rumlow yanked him away from you.

You look at the guys arm again, ready to hit you.

– Let’s see how good you really are. Little Bitch!

You can’t move. You completely freeze up. It’s like your brain isn’t functioning. Come on, YN! You can easily put this guy down.

Someone grabs his arm. You’re so inside your own head, that you don’t even know if it’s you or not. One quick movement forward, then back again. The guy goes down like a twig.

– What the fuck, Rumlow! You broke my arm!

You look up. Rumlow looks down at the guy on the floor.

– Serves you right! Don’t bother showing up at work on Monday! Now, get the fuck out of my face!

The guy get to his feet, and run away. You look at Rumlow, looking at you. He looks at you like your boss. Like you did something wrong, or like the teacher did, if you failed a test, or didn’t do your homework. You swallow. Is he going to kick you out now?

– You froze!

He’s not mad. Just determined. Like he want’s to teach you something.

– I….

You don’t get to say anything else, before your lips collide in a kiss so intense you almost lose your ability to breathe….

– I was actually coming to talk to you. Pierce approved you, and I asked some of the guys if they wanted to go out an celebrate. If you’re up for it.

Pierce approved you? You’re not even done with your training yet. You haven’t even used the knife. And you’re not familiar with combat under water. Or IN water..

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

– He what?

You can almost see Rollins’ smile through the phone.

– He saw how you did at target practice, and he always keeps one eye on the training area. Guess he thought you were ready. So? Celebrate?

Celebrate? Well, you do need a drink.

– Sure. I’ll celebrate with you. Oh, crap..

You take a deep breath and look towards your bathroom. Getting ready will not be easy, closing in on impossible in this mess.

– Something on your mind? I do believe he’ll be there, if that’s what you’re thinking about. He’s your boss after all.

– No, no, that’s not what I’m asking. It’s just that my shower is smashed…

You sigh. Perfect. Drinks with Rumlow and the guys, and you’re gonna show up looking like a rag doll.

– I’ll come and pick you up, YN. You can use my shower. No problem.

You hang up. Look down on your body. You still have your gear on. Maybe you should pack something else to wear out tonight. This outfit feels like an invite to a fight.

You just finish packing a bag, when Rollins knocks on your door. You throw the bag over your shoulder, and go to open.

The first thing you see, when you open the door is a paper with your picture on it, your information, and at the very bottom, Pierces signature and a red «APPROVED» stamped over it.

– Agent YLN! Ready for your first assignment?

You laugh a bit. Like a celebration is an assignment.

– And what might that be, Agent Rollins?

– Fix things with Agent Rumlow! We have to trust each other out there, we are responsible for each others lifes. Communication is Key!

You close your eyes.

«I thought you said I wasn’t worth it!»

He probably won’t even talk to you now. Maybe you should just quit. You don’t want to bother Rollins with that, so instead you fake a smile.

– Maybe after a few drinks. Right now I want to take that shower.

—————————————

Rollins’ apartment is just two blocks away from Rumlows. Also on the top floor. Aside from the interiour the apartments are identical. Rollins sits down on his couch.

– The bathroom is yours, Agent.

Happy that you can finally take a shower, and put on some clothes that doesn’t scream «fight me now» you walk into the bathroom. In there, you find a new set of gear for you. SHIELD mark on the arm. Just like all the other Agents have. You lift up the gear belt. Is it just you, or is this heavier? You pop your head out of the bathroom door.

– Jack! I can’t wear this tonight!

– Yes, you can. We all do. Remember, this is a part of your body now! Learn to live with it!

Listen to him, YN! He’s the one who trained you. He’s the one that got you approved….

…..And if your gut feeling is correct. Some dumbass drunk guy is going to try and fight you tonight. Let’s just hope he’s really drunk…

————————————————-

The shower helped. And you weren’t wrong when you felt the gear belt being heavier. There is some new additions to it. A retraction rope, and extra ammunition to name a few. Are these guys expecting a fight all the time? Will you also have to expect that now?

It’s already dark, when you walk towards the pub down the street. The same pub you met Br… Rumlow in. You take a deep breath. Just a couple of drinks. If it get’s too weird, you can always go to the hotel you booked.

– Nervous, YN? Come on, you deserve this. First round is on me!

Rollins voice drags you back to reality.

– A little bit.. I mean, what do I say to him. Communication haven’t exactly been blooming lately.

– Say what you feel, YN!

You stop. Do you even know what you feel anymore? Sure, you love him. But is that enough? Will you be able to live with him and this mood swings, his temper? His inability to say what’s really on his mind?

Rollins stops a couple of steps in front of you. Turns around.

– Changed your mind? You don’t want to go?

He comes over to you. Takes a hold of your shoulders.

– Listen, YN! Rumlow is an Alpha male! And we can be difficult from time to time. But from what I know about you, you’re an Alpha female. So you should be able to take it. Make him talk, YN! It’ll get better then.

Make him talk? Talk about what? All he cares about is his job! He called what you talked about pillow talk. All he cares about is following orders, SHIELD and hiding his emotions. Maybe it used to be you… But it’s not anymore…

– Hey, YN! He really does like you. Trust me. I can tell. I’ve known him since we were 18. Two drinks. Then you can leave!

Fine.. You can manage two drinks. Only two. To celebrate, right? Come on, YN. You can do this.

A lot of the other Agents are already there when you arrive. You know some of them. But some of them you haven’t even met yet. Rollins introduces you as the new asset on the team, the conversation centers around your training, and how highly Pierce talks about you. You try to concentrate, and answer their questions. But your mind is filled with Rumlow, and there is a guy at your table that keeps sending you hard looks. You don’t know why. Is he mad because you’re a girl, or does he think that you got a place on the team because of Rumlow? You try to send a hard look back, but he just continues to look at you. This whole situation is making you nervous. What is this guys problem?

– Started without me I see…

Rumlows voice behind you. You don’t turn around. But when he sits down on the empty chair next to you, you look at him. He glances at you. But nothing more.

You keep talking to the others. This is actually pretty nice, all things considered.

– Hey hey, wait up.. I just have to put my make up on first..

The angry guy from across the table, he looks at you when he’s talking. But you can tell that he’s talking ABOUT you, and not TO you. Where did this comment come from? Haven’t you proved your worth? Your skills? Isn’t it enough that Pierce approved you?

Rumlow slams his hand down on the table. You jump.

– WHAT!?!?

Rumlow looks at the guy, and you recognise the look from that day out in the hall, outside his office. When he fired that guy, and everybody found out about your relationship.

– It was a joke, Rumlow!

The other guys voice almost trembling. Is he scared of Rumlow?

– We do NOT crack jokes on fellow Agents expense! Especially the females!

The guy swallows. He doesn’t take his eyes away from Rumlow. It’s almost like he thinks that Rumlow can jump over the table and beat his ass at any second. This was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. Why does things like this continue to happen to you? You stand up.

– I… I’m just gonna go and PUT MY MAKE UP ON!

You emphasis the words, and look at the guy. Hopefully he’ll stop while he’s still ahead. You don’t want to watch this unfold. So you leave for the ladies room.

Again you find yourself standing in there. Leaning against the sink. Looking at yourself in the mirror. The only thing that changed are your outfit, and your fighting skills. If someone assaults you now, you can easily overpower them. Rollins taught you good. You take a deep breath, before walking out the door.

– Hey, YN! Wait up!

You turn around. It’s that guy. Did he follow you?

– What’s up?

You try to sound casual and calm, but you feel like your voice is shaking. You can handle yourself, YN. What are you afraid of?

He comes all the way up in your face. You maintain eye contact, like Rollins taught you.

– Rumlow kicked my Brother off the squad, and then suddenly we’re going Co-ed. And you, YOU’RE fucking your way up the floors aren’t you?

He lifts his arm. Is he going to hit you? Your mind instantly goes back to David. How he hit you, again and again. How you day after day, week after week, moth after month, year after year went to work with the same black eye, and the same excuse.

And then, you remember the night you met Rumlow. Davids hand around your throat. How you though you were going to die. How Rumlow yanked him away from you.

You look at the guys arm again, ready to hit you.

– Let’s see how good you really are. Little Bitch!

You can’t move. You completely freeze up. It’s like your brain isn’t functioning. Come on, YN! You can easily put this guy down.

Someone grabs his arm. You’re so inside your own head, that you don’t even know if it’s you or not. One quick movement forward, then back again. The guy goes down like a twig.

– What the fuck, Rumlow! You broke my arm!

You look up. Rumlow looks down at the guy on the floor.

– Serves you right! Don’t bother showing up at work on Monday! Now, get the fuck out of my face!

The guy get to his feet, and run away. You look at Rumlow, looking at you. He looks at you like your boss. Like you did something wrong, or like the teacher did, if you failed a test, or didn’t do your homework. You swallow. Is he going to kick you out now?

– You froze!

He’s not mad. Just determined. Like he want’s to teach you something.

– I….

You don’t get to say anything else, before your lips collide in a kiss so intense you almost lose your ability to breathe….

Hva?

FanFiction, vel kanskje med en litt annen vri. Og jeg har en to tre originale historier som svever rundt i hodet mitt, men som ikke helt har funnet veien ut i form av bokstaver helt ennå. Jeg har alltid elsket å skrive, og har i flere år studert mine favorittserier og favorittfilmer, med argusøyne. Samtidig har jeg tenkt, hva om det skjedde, eller hva om han gjorde det. Dessuten hender det at ting ikke ender sånn som vi ønsker, og da er det veldig gøy å kunne skrive sin egen slutt.

Siden jeg skriver på Engelsk, så har jeg valgt å skrive fra andre person perspektiv. Slik slipper jeg å beskrive utseendet og slike ting, noe som mitt fremdeles snevre ordforråd i Engelsk ikke alltid klarer like bra. Dette er nok også grunnen til at jeg valgte å starte med Fan Fiction, da slipper jeg jo å beskrive de andre karakterene også, for de vet man jo allerede hvordan ser ut.

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

Jeg holder meg til MARVEL for øyeblikket. Men jeg har andre ideer også, så dersom du liker å lese 50 Shades Of Grey type historier, har jeg massevis av lesestoff for deg fremover. Jeg er vel hva man kan kalle for overkreativ. Brock Rumlow (Crossbones) er min favoritt, eller vel. Skuespilleren er min favoritt, og det er vel derfor jeg har valgt denne karakteren som mitt hovedfokus.

Før du gyver løs på historiene mine, skal jeg gi den en kort innføring av hva de forskjellige tingene betyr. For det er ikke alltid like lett å manøvrere seg gjennom alt som har med Readers Insert å gjøre.

YN – Your Name (Ditt Navn)

YLN – Your Last Name (Ditt Etternavn)

X Reader – Readers Insert (Altså karakter + leser)

AU – Alternativt Univers

Jeg er fullstendig klar over at dette ikke er alles cup of tea. Men, dersom du overser YN, og rett og slett bare kaller hovedpersonen for YN. Så tror jeg det skal gå bra likevel.

Hvor?

Jeg poster alt jeg skriver på Wattpad, AO3 (Archive of our own), her på denne bloggen, og på wordpress siden min. Jeg har også profil på Instagram, TikTok, Tumblr og YouTube. Noen av historiene mine er ganske mørke, så jeg vet ikke om de vil bli godkjent på sider som denne. Jeg ble faktisk banna fra Wattpad og TikTok (måtte lage ny profil, og luke ut noen av historiene mine). Men, sånn som jeg ser det. Det betyr bare at jeg ble sett. Og det er bra. Syns iallfall jeg da.

Hvorfor?

Vel, som sagt tidligere. Jeg har alltid likt å skrive. Det å skrive stil var noe av det beste jeg viste på skolen, jeg har også skrevet flere sangtekster. Men det var ikke før for ca tre år siden at jeg startet å skrive historier på Engelsk og poste dem online. Jeg gikk igjennom et veldig vanskelig brudd, og brukte historier til å skrive meg vek fra alle følelsene mine. En TikTok historie ble til tre, før jeg beveget meg videre til Wattpad og AO3. Nå har jeg to fullførte historier, en del One-Shots, og en hel haug med Works In Progres (WIP). Selvom jeg skriver FanFiction, er det en hel haug av mine egne følelser og erfaringer miksa inn. Jeg er helt overbevist om at du vil finne noe du kjenner deg igjen i, i absolutt alt jeg skriver.

Rumlow’s pov

He stands in the door between the hall and the living room. Watching you, as you turn your back to him, and walk out the door. Slamming it shut behind you. He takes a deep breath, before finding another bottle of whiskey, pouring himself a glass.

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

He sits down on the couch. Dragging his hands through his hair. Before hiding his face in his hands. Elbows on his knees. He sighs.

You don’t cry, Brock! You don’t do that shit! YOU. DON’T. CRY! But he does….

FUCK!!

He screams at himself, at the situation, at his own words. «Not worth it!» Fuck, fuck, fuck. Banging his fists on the table. Now you ruined just EVERYTHING! Fuck you, Brock!

FUCK!!

He throws the table almost across the room. Glasses, mugs, magazines it all flies everywhere. Way to fucking go, Brock. The only woman you’ve loved, since your mother. And you fucking shattered her heart. Fucking idiot!

FUCK!!

He bangs his fist at the wall. You’re a fucking idiot, Brock! Why the FUCK did you do that? What the hell were you thinking? Fists against the wall, over and over, until the wall finally gives in.

FUCK!!

The dresser by the bathroom door is the next item to be thrown over the floor. Drawers falling out, stuff scattered all over. He doesn’t care. You lost her, Brock. There’s no coming back from this. Serves you right, fucking idiot!

FUCK!!!

In the bathroom, he plants another fist in the mirror. Of course it breaks, pieces of glass stuck in his knuckles. Another hit on the glass, glass buried even deeper. Bloodstains on the mirror now. When he sees them, it’s like a dam bursts inside of him. His legs can’t even carry him anymore. He sits down on the floor, back against the bathtub. Face in his hands, and then everything comes pouring out of him. Every feeling, every fear, every sleepless night, the pain, the agony, the grief, every tear he has held in for the last 38 years.

She could have saved you, Brock! She would have saved you! She would have given you a family, kids! She would have understood! She would have helped you, Brock! She would have! And what did you do? You crushed her. You deserve to feel miserable now, you deserve this. «Not worth it». Fuck you, Brock!

————————————-

YN pov

When you shut the door to your old apartment, you sink down to the floor. Tears uncontrollably falling from your eyes. He actually said that you weren’t worth it. Worth what? His time? His feelings? His dick? Probably all of it. You’re worth nothing. NOTHING! You were probably just a hole to put it in, because he needed it. Fuck! How is it possible to be so STUPID? How could you fall for the good guy side of him? Didn’t you learn anything from the relationship with David? Like he never put up a good guy act! Screw you, YN! Stupid! From now on, EVERYTHING is a red flag. Understand, YN?

The anger you feel, helps you to get up from the floor. You walk into your living room. You haven’t been in the apartment since it was broken into, and nothing have been cleaned up. The cut open couch cushions are still there. You stand still for a while. Look around. Then you remember how protective Brock was. How he instantly went into protective mode. How he cared for you that night. Is he thinking of you right now? Arrgh.. Forget it, YN. He said that you ment nothing to him. Let it go.

You can’t stay in the living room anymore. Instead you walk into your bedroom. It’s a mess. Everything you own is scattered all over the floor. Your mattress pushed halfway off the bed. You push it back in place, and lie down. Staring at the ceiling.

«I’m not done with you yet!»

«I’ll be more than happy to teach you… If you’ll let me, that is»

«I didn’t know you needed clothes to drink coffee. Or do you have some kind of special blend, that you need clothes to drink?»

«Well, so are you, and it worked out great without clothes last night»

«Don’t forget that you’re mine now»

Get him out of your head, YN. If you’re not worth it. Then he isn’t worth it ether.

«Say the word, and I’ll kill him»

«YN, are you OK?»

«I fucking love you»

Screw this! You walk into the kitchen, open the fridge. Please have something to drink, you think to yourself. Empty.. Fucking perfect. That was just what you needed. A trip to the liquor store. You just need a shower first.

When you walk into the bathroom, you gasp. It’s in total disarray. Tiles ripped off the wall, shower cubicle crushed into pieces. Same with the mirror. The sink looks like it was smashed with a sledge hammer. Well, you can forget the shower then, you think to yourself. Trying to stay calm. It’s not working out very good for you.

You don’t realise how much you’re shaking, until you sit down in your living room. You feel nauseous and cold. Alone and forgotten. Used. Scared. Stupid, YN! That’s what you are.

You knew how your apartment looked, at least to a certain point. But you haven’t been here for so long. And being safe in Rumlows arms, you didn’t think about it that much.

«Our place»

«I’ll find him, YN! I’ll find him, and I’ll kill him»

«You’re mine, and it’s my job to protect you»

«I’ve got you! I won’t let you go!»

His voice echoes in your head. You feel his touch, his kiss, you smell his perfume. What are you doing, YN? You love him. YOU. LOVE. HIM! Why did you leave? Why didn’t you ask him what he ment? Why didn’t you talk to him?

«You left work.. I was so worried!»

«Y…YN, what are you doing?»

«Can we please talk about this? That’s all I’m asking»

This isn’t right! You can’t do this! Sit here alone. You love him. He captivated you from the very first second. His eyes. The way he moves, the words he uses. How protective he is. You can’t lose him! Not now, not like this! You have to find out what happened, and why he acts this way. You have to know if you did something wrong, and if you did, how you can make it right again.

You pick up your phone. Please pick up.. Please.. You don’t have to wait long for an answer.

– Hi… It’s me… I… I’m sorry about before.. I know it’s kinda late.. But I just don’t want to be alone right now. Can I please talk to you?

……

A week passes by. The same routine. Rumlow helps you in and out of the car. Very few words exchanged. You live in the same apartment, but you barley talk to each other. And you sleep in separate rooms. You miss him. His touch, his kiss, his scent. And you curse at yourself for not being able to tell him how you feel. But on the other hand, he’s not saying anything ether. The only thing that’s still makes you hold on to the hopes that he’ll come around, is that he hasn’t asked you to leave.

Because of all the frustration you feel, you Excel in your training. It’s good to be able to shut your mind off. When you’re training with Rollins, it’s like you’re a different person. And all your attention goes into your training. Your close combat skills goes beyond what Rollins expected. So he decides that it’s time for target practice.

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

When you enter the fire range, you take a deep breath. You haven’t touched a gun since the day when Rumlow killed David. And suddenly the memories washes over you. How you thought David shot you. And then how Rumlow shot him. You can hear his voice in your head. How he touched your face. How he protected you when you waked up. And now he’s as cold hearted as they come. You force back your tears.

– Have you ever fired a gun before, YN?

Rollins puts up the target, and presses the button for it to go to where he wants it.

– Err.. I’ve held one. And Br… Rumlow showed me how to use it.

Rollins looks at you.

– That bad huh? That you resolved to last name basis?

– He haven’t talked to me in a week, Jack! I don’t know what to do anymore.

Rollins just looks at you.

– You call me Jack, and him Rumlow… What happened, YN?

– I don’t know.. That’s what makes it so hard. He sleeps on the couch. And, well.. I realise that I know nothing about him. Do you know?

Rollins takes his guns out of the holsters. Puts them on the table.

– Yes.. I know.. But I probably shouldn’t tell you. Could you maybe ask him? Tell him how you feel?

– I don’t even know how I feel anymore.. He’s so distant. And I don’t know what I did wrong.

Rollins clears his throat. It looks like he’s contemplating telling you something. But instead he gives you one of the guns. Before he gets his range ready as well. Then he comes over to your side. Shows you how to hold the gun. Your mind instanty goes back to when Rumlow showed you. How his touch felt. How protective he was.

– Aim with your dominant eye!

Rollins’ voice drags you back to reality.

– How do I know which eye that is?

Rollins laughs a bit.

– It usually lines up with your dominant hand. But not always, so you have to try..

You lift up the gun, and Rollins shows you how to hold it properly.

– Now focus your eyes on the gun. Aim at the target. Then fucus on the gun. It’s physically impossible to focus on both.

Rollins is a good teacher. Calm, collected. And he knows what he’s doing. But you can’t help but wonder if Rumlow would be better. Maybe you could ask him to train you with the knifes, when you get home. That is after all his specialty.

– If your aim is right now, and you focus on the gun. The target should look a little blurry. Do you see it?

– Yes..

You try to hold the gun as steady as you can. It’s not heavy. It’s just new. The last time you aimed a gun at someone, you forgot to take the safety off. And it almost had you killed.

– Now chose your point of aim. Concentrate, and squeeze the trigger. Don’t pull. Slow down your breathing. The gun is a part of your body. An extension of you. You can do this. Steady..

Rollins’ voice is so calm, it calms you down. You carefully squeeze the trigger. The sound is louder than you remember. And you’re not prepared for the recoil. The surprise makes you drop the gun, and take a step backwards. You go straight into Rollins. You’re shaking.

– YN? Are you OK?

Rollins leans down, and picks up the gun.

– No.. I’m not.. I’m sorry… I don’t think I’m ready for this..

Rollins places the gun back in your hand.

– You can’t be afraid of it, YN! If you are, you’re dead! Understand? I know I’m pushing you, but you have to learn to use this. If you freeze in a fight, you’ll get killed. Or get one of us killed! This gun is a part of you, learn to live with it.

You angrily put the gun down on the table.

– I. CAN’T. DO. THIS! I’m never gonna learn this!

Rollins leans forward and pushes the button to have the target come to you. You can’t see it, because you’re facing away from it. Rollins takes a look. Then he smiles.

– Bullseye! Look, YN! You hit the target. You know how to do this. You just have to get used to it!

You slowly turn around. Not only did you hit the target. Rollins was right. Bullseye!

– Pierce isn’t stupid, YN! He knows potential when he sees it. Three more shots, and I’ll let you do close combat with guns, OK?

You reluctantly agree. And when you take the next few shots, you feel more comfortable with the piece. And Rollins was right. You know how to do this. You actually surprise yourself.

When target practice ends. You decide to ask Rollins if you can have a break. You need to splash your face with water, and calm down, before the close combat with Rollins.

You part ways, and you walk into the locker room. Splash some water in tour face, lean against the sink, and look at yourself in the mirror. You take a deep breath, before walking towards the training room. When you reach the door, you hear Rollins talking to someone.

– You have to tell her, Rumlow!

He’s talking to Rumlow.. Instead of walking out the door. You stay and listen in.

– Tell her what, Rollins?

– Everything! She’s a mess, Rumlow! She even calls you by your last name!

You hear a loud bang. Did someone throw something, or are they fighting?

– She’s not worth it, Rollins! I can’t do this. I have a job to do. I can’t be a softie! That’ll have me killed one day. I can’t afford that!

You close your eyes. So you’re not worth it? Well, nether is he! So fuck it. You can hear the door slam, so you open the door to the training area. And walk outside. Rollins is standing in the middle of the room. You dry off a couple of tears, as you reach him.

– Please tell me you didn’t hear that, YN!

You look at him.

– So you did hear it? YN, I’m sorry.

– Could you please drive me home?

Rollins isn’t saying anything. He just puts his gun back in his holster, and walks towards the door. You follow.

——————————

Back in the apartment, you start to put your stuff into your bag. You’re crying so bad, you almost don’t see what you’re putting into it. Not worth it.. So you were just a fling?

You’re in the bathroom, putting your make up into your bag, when you hear the front door opening.

– YN?

Rumlows voice. You take a deep breath, and walk out in the living room, with your bag over your shoulder. When Rumlow sees you, his face goes soft.

– You left work.. I was so worried? Did something happen?

You close your eyes. But you can’t hold your tears back. Rumlow sees the bag over your shoulder. Then he looks back at you.

– Y…. YN? What are you doing?

You clear your throat.

– What does it look like I’m doing? I’m leaving!

– YN..? Can we talk about this? Can you just listen to me for a second? That’s all I’m asking..

You walk past him, out to the hall. You put your shoes on, and get your jacket from the hanger. Then you turn to him.

– I thought you said that I wasn’t worth it!!

With that, you exit the apartment, slamming the door shut behind you.