You look at his back all the way to the car. All you can think of is how much you want to slide your fingers through his hair. You have to concentrate not to cry again. How did this happen? What can you do to make it right? This morning you were so happy, and now.. It feels like this day has lasted a whole year.

He follows his normal routine when you get to the car. Opens the door for you, and helps you in. It feels so good to have his hand in yours, but you don’t look at each other.

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You look over at him a couple of times while you drive home. You don’t say anything. What can you say? And he basically told you to shut up. You look down on your hands, nervously drumming your fingers on your thigh.

– How did training go?

He doesn’t look at you while he’s talking. And you don’t know if that’s because he doesn’t want to, or if he’s scared in some way. You’ve never seen this part of him before. You swallow.

– Well.. I feel like I’ve gained 20 pounds with all this stuff. But I guess I did good.

Rumlow clears his throat.

– And Rollins?

The way he says his name. Is he jealous? Why would he be jealous? There is no reason to. Does he think it is?

– What about him?

– Did he give you that bruise on your jaw?

You pull down the mirror, and study your jaw. Yep, definitely a bruise. He did throw a good punch at you. You reach up and touch it. Thankfully it doesn’t hurt that much. You look over at Rumlow, he’s still looking at the road ahead.

– It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention.

– So, he hit you?

You don’t know what to say. He sounds almost angry. And you don’t want to ruin his friendship with Rollins.

– We were training, Brock. Stuff happens…

He glances over at you.

– Stuff….

He lets the word hang in the air.

You look back down again, and none of you says anything else for the rest of the drive home.

———————-

When you enter the apartment, Rumlow goes straight to the bathroom. You fall down on the couch. Drag your hands through your hair. Lean back, and look up at the ceiling.

– If you want to take a shower. I made room for your gear in the bathroom.

You look up at him. Still in his gear. No «will you join me in the shower» or «let’s take a shower», nothing.

– Listen, Br…

– I’ll order some food. Let me know when you’re finished. And try not to use all the warm water.

He stopped you. He actually cut you off, when you tried to tell him something. Why won’t he listen to you? What did you do to deserve this treatment?

You sigh, and walk to the bathroom. The shower actually helps. And you get to cry out your tears of frustration. You leave the bathroom wearing only a towel. You can feel Rumlows eyes on you when you walk through the living room. You try not to look at him. Let him be mad at me. Obviously no use to try to talk to him. Is he mad about Pierce moving you to Delta, or because Rollins is the one training you?

You decide to only wear your underwear and a big shirt. Maybe you could try to turn him on. At least a little bit. Angry sex is better than no sex. And angry sex with him… For fucks sake, YN. Get it together, you’re not a nympho.

When you enter the living room again, you can hear that Rumlow already hit the shower. You could go in there. Get in the shower with him. If he doesn’t want to talk. You don’t have to. You just want to feel him. You start to walk towards the bathroom. But halfway there, you change your mind. No use, anyway. He’ll probably won’t even let you. Maybe you could talk when you go to bed.

The hours before you go to bed are awkward. You sit there on the couch next to each other. But none of you are saying anything. You barley look at each other. You desperately want to talk to him, but you can’t find the right words. Maybe you should quit all together. Say Thanks, but no, to the Delta stuff. But then, what would you do?

Fuck! You don’t want to do this anymore. You just want to sleep it off, and hopefully start fresh tomorrow. He can’t possibly be mad at you forever. You didn’t decide this. Pierce did. You just followed orders. Isn’t that what Agents do? Follow Pierces orders without question? He does that. Hell, he didn’t even sit down, before Pierce told him to. He couldn’t possibly mean that you should disobey orders, on the first day.

– I’m going to bed!

You get up from the couch. Rumlow doesn’t even look up. What’s the matter with him? Did Pierce give him a hard time?

– You take the bed, YN! I’ll take the couch!

WHAT?!?? You’re not sleeping in the bed together? Why?

– Brock!

Finally he looks up at you. You look back. Great, he shut off his feelings again. Dead eyes. Perfect, just great.

– Don’t be ridiculous, YN! You need the sleep. Training again tomorrow, remember?

– But…

– I’m not discussing this, YN! Good night!

Why does he keep shutting you out like this? It can’t be for the yelling alone. Although, you probably overreacted. It’s just that your life changed over night, when you met him. And it keeps changing, faster that you can keep up with.

Arrg.. Fuck it. Just go to bed, YN. Sleep it off. He’ll be back to his normal self tomorrow. He probably just needs some time to process everything. God knows you do.

You walk towards the bedroom. When you reach the door, you turn around. Looking at the back of his head. Please turn around, Brock! I need you! I can’t do this Agent thing without you. He’s not turning around. Infact, he’s barley moving. You give up. Walk into the bedroom, and close the door behind you.

The bed feels even bigger without him this time. You can’t help feeling like you’ve lost him. Maybe you should leave. But where would you go? Do you want to go back to your old place, after this? Knowing that you can see his place just by looking out the window. Would you be able to take it if he brought another girl with him home? Would you be able to work at the same place as him, if you’re no longer together? To see him every day? See him with others? Rumlow, with other girls….

…The thought makes you tear up. You don’t want to lose him. You want to be his girl forever. You’re fooling yourself, YN! This was never going to work. 17 years age gap, him doing what he does for a living. And the way you met. Him saving you. And now that David’s dead, you don’t need saving anymore. Of course it ends here. Stupid..

You finally fall asleep, tears still running from your eyes…

Rumlows Pov

Fuck, you should never have called it pillow talk. You didn’t mean it like that. And now, now, you’ve hurt her. Did you really think this relationship would work? You being an Agent, and she… She being the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. So sweet, innocent. Not exactly the girl for you, right? Fuck, Brock! How stupid can you be?

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Rumlow opens the door to Pierces office.

– So you knew I’d come?

Pierce doesn’t look up.

– Of course I knew! I’ve got eyes and ears in this entire building.

For fucks sake, Brock! Get it together. Work mode. Deal with YN when you get home. Treat her well, and she’ll come around. Hopefully. The thought of what he wants to do to you, makes him grow hard. Fuck! Not now. Shake it off, Brock!

Pierce looks up.

– I can see you brought your little thief along as well. If Rollins didn’t come to talk to me before, I’d have her thrown back in jail, where she belongs!

Rumlow doesn’t know what it is, but he feels an enormous anger, hearing people talking about you that way. But he knows his place. Don’t lose your cool, Brock. That will only make it worse. He walks up to Pierces desk. He knows it’s a stupid idea. He should wait for Pierce to tell him. But YN! Fuck! What is wrong with you, Brock?!?

– She was in the apartment the entire night. She couldn’t have stolen anything. Besides we found the documents in Davids apartment.

– The David that conveniently is YNs ex. How well do you know her, Rumlow?

How well does he know you exactly? You haven’t actually talked about other than David and SHIELD. No family information have been shared, nothing of that sort. But the sex… Brock!! Get a fucking grip!

– I don’t have to know her, to know that she was in the apartment the entire night. Watch this, you’ll see.

Rumlow places the CD with the video on Pierces desk. Pierce looks at Rumlow.

– OK! I’ll watch it. I’ll have you both back here lunchtime. Remember she is not an employee at this time. Put her in Rollins’ office. And you! You go back to work.

Rollins office? Why can’t you stay in his office? That way you could maybe talk or.. Oh, for fucks sake Brock. Is fucking this girl the only thing you can think of? Why can’t she say something?

He leads the way, but oh fuck how he wants you to go in front of him. To study your body, the way you move. How your clothes compliments your body. Showing off all the right curves on it.

Say something, YN! Please! Anything, be mad even. Yell at me again. Anything is better than nothing. But you don’t say a word. You just follow him. Well, I did dominate her, but she can stand her own. You don’t know how to do this romance thing, Brock! You just don’t. Dominant sex, yes. Romance, no.

In Rollins office. He tries his best to show you that he cares. You should say something Brock. Not just, «water there». Something meaningful. Something that says «I love you». She’s in Rollins’ fucking office. Nothing.. Fuck it, Brock!

When he’s about to leave, he hears your voice behind him.

– Brock! Did we just have our first fight?

He turns and looks at you. What do you say, Brock? Yes? No? I love you? Thank God you asked? Should you kiss her? Fuck. You suck at this, Brock. Forget it!

– Yes!

Then he leaves. Why the fuck did you do that, Brock? Good, making it worse, making it worse.. Good job, Brock, real good.

The hours till lunchtime takes forever. Rumlow gets some paperwork done. But the whole time he’s thinking about you. In Rollins office. Are you allowed to fuck someone else after a fight? You never sorta defined your relationship.. Maybe she would. Would you? No! You want her, no one else. She captivated you from the first second.

Lunchtime comes, and Pierce calls for you. Rumlow feels it strange that he wants Rollins as well. But, well.. Maybe that’s a good thing.

The few steps over to Rollin’s office is hard to take. Maybe she never loved you. You should tell her, Brock. Tell her that you love her. That it’s not just the sex. That it’s all of her. The way she talks, the way she moves, her smile.. Everything.

He opens the door to Rollins office, and stops in his tracks.

– I love you….

What the blazing fuck!?!?? I love you? That’s HIS line! The feeling inside his chest is something he’s never felt before.

– Really, Rollins? I love you?

He can hear Rollins saying something, but he’s not interested. Lifts his finger, stops Rollins’ mouth. Motherfucking perfect!

– Bro…

Your voice. I really don’t want to listen to her right now.

– I ment both of you, YN!

What the fuck is wrong with you, Brock? Let her talk. You’ve wanted to talk to her all day, and when she finally speaks to you, you tell her to shut up. Well, to late now anyway. Deal with Pierce first. You can talk to YN, at home. That is, if she wants to go home with you.

In Pierces office there are three chairs in front of his desk. YN, sits down in the middle. Pierce doesn’t seem to mind. And she’s not familiar with the codes yet. Rumlow stands by his chair until Pierce tells him to sit down.

Totally in his own mind, he tries to listen to what Pierce is saying. Please let her stay. If Pierce fires her, that’s it. She’ll leave, both SHIELD and you. The thought of losing you drives him crazy.

– You are fired though!

Great, just great. Should you say something, Brock? Fuck! Rumlow opens his mouth.

– Something you want to say, Rumlow?

The tone in Pierces voice, makes him instantly shut up. No use anyway. When Pierce makes up his mind, that’s it!

– You’re fired from the office floor! I decided to put you in another department.

Well, this was unexpected. What department?

– What?

He can’t hold back. What department? It’s not that many to chose from, and will you still be her boss? He leans forward to look at the papers. She’s been moved to Delta? What the fuck? And why?

– You’re giving her a piece? Why?

Pierces look makes Rumlow shut up again. He is going to have her killed, for sure. There are no women on any of the teams, and it’s a reason for that. It’s hard work, a ton of Fighting, close combat, killing. She won’t even survive one day.

– I came across some security footage, and saw her potential. Do you have a problem with that?

– No, Sir!

The hell you do! You have a ton of problems with this. She’ll technically still be working under you. But Pierce will have the last word, and he will be able to send her out on missions as he see fits. How the fuck can you protect her now, Brock?!?

– You start training right away. Dismissed!

Rumlow stands up with you. Maybe some training will do the trick? At least you’ll be able to touch her.

– Rumlow, you stay! Rollins, you start to train with YN!

The words hits Rumlow like a brick. Rollins is going to train with her. You are the one who knows her. You should be training with her. You should teach her stuff. It’s not that Rollins isn’t good. It’s just.. You want to train her.

– With all due respect, Sir! I should be the one training her!

– No, Rumlow. You’re gonna stay behind and tell me why you shared classified information with your live in girlfriend!

Fuck! This is just fucking perfect. You being questioned by Pierce, while Rollins gets to train your girl. Touching, Fighting…. fucking? Don’t go there, Brock! Don’t!

– Yes

Rumlow doesn’t slam the door shut, but to you it sounds like he did. Is he mad at you? How bad is it that he told you? That Pierce guy isn’t exactly friendly. But at the same time Rumlow is obviously one of his best Agents. Could he be fired for this?

You feel bad about yelling at him. You really shouldn’t have done that. He saved your life, twice. Maybe that got to him. Or did he mean what he said, when he said it was pillow talk? This Rumlow thing was so perfect. What if you ruined it.. What will you do then?

The burning sensation behind your eyes turns into tears, you’re unable to stop them. You bury your face in your hands. Remembering every little detail about your time with Rumlow. Why does this love thing have to be so hard?

You don’t hear the door opening.

– Oh.. Sorry. I was just gonna get some paperwork….

You look up. Rollins have stopped right by the door. You dry your remaining tears, dragging your mascara all over your face.

– It’s your office isn’t it? I can’t exactly tell you to leave…

– Something wrong?

Rollins walks over to you. Sit down next to you.

– Nothing. I just screwed up.. It’ll get better..

– Pierce? He can be a real piece of shit sometimes. But he is fair. It’ll be alright. He’s not gonna fire you. Some of us have done worse, and we’re still here.

You clear your throat, look at Rollins.

– Like what Brock did?

– What did he do?

– He told me about the mission. After, not before. He told me, but he wasn’t suppose to.. It’s my fault..

– The mission including your ex, your keycard, and that put you in jail? Why wouldn’t he tell you? That mission was more about you than anything else.

You hide your face in your hands again.

– He’s mad at me. He confessed to me that he was scared of being fired, and I yelled at him. Stupid..

Rollins puts his hand on your back.

– Look. Rumlow isn’t exactly fluent in the romance department. None of us are. Having a girlfriend, wife or kids makes us vulnerable. So most of us are alone. You’re the first girl he’s been with..

You can’t help but laugh. First girl? Yeah right! You look up at Rollins.

– I do admit that I don’t know him THAT much yet. But he was definitely NOT a Virgin when he met me.

– That’s not what I ment. It’s always been one time, maybe two. Nothing like you. He invited you into his home. He disobeyed orders for you. Look, I don’t know much about this romance, love thing.. But I DO know that Rumlow means what he says to you.

You look at Rollins. Searching his eyes. Did Rumlow send him? Should you talk to him about this? Isn’t this kinda personal?

– What he says?

Rollins clears his throat.

– Look, YN. As Agents we are responsible for each others life half of the time. That requiers that we know each other. I don’t know WHAT he said to you. But I know that he means every word.

– Like «I love you»?

– Yeah! Like «I love you»!

– Really, Rollins! I love you?

Both you and Rollins look up. Rumlow stands in the door. Rollins gets up. Your heart is pounding out of your chest.

– Look, Rum…..

Rollins tries to explane, but Rumlow lifts his finger. Rollins instantly shuts up.

– Pierce is ready for us. He wanted you too Rollins.

You finally manage to get up from the couch. Thank God, your feet are carrying you. Should you say something?

– Bro…

– I ment both of you, YN!

He sounds angry, and hurt. Why won’t he listen to you? If you didn’t screw things up by yelling at him, you certainly did now. Why won’t he let you tell him that you were talking about him?

Rollins lets you walk in front of him. Rumlow leads the way to Pierces office. Not turning around one single time. It’s like he doesn’t even want to look at you. This is just great. Yesterday you had it all, and now you’re about to lose your job, your home and your boyfriend. Life is funny that way.

Rumlow opens the door to Pierces office, and lets you and Rollins walk inside, before he follows.

Pierce is behind his desk, and on the other side is three chairs. You sit down on the one in the middle. That way Rumlow will have to sit next to you. Both Rumlow and Rollins stands next to their chairs until Pierce tells them to sit down. You’re not used to see Rumlow like this. He’s almost submissive. Not at all like the Rumlow you know. And that alone makes you nervous.

Pierce clears his throat.

– Well.. YN, as it looks, I owe you an apology!

– Huh?

You should probably keep quiet until he tells you to speak or something, but his statement catches you off guard.

– Turns out you were in the apartment the whole night. I know I gave you a hard time. But I admit it when I’m wrong.

– Ehh.. Thank you… I guess..

Pierce moves some papers around.

– You are fired though!

You take a deep breath. Fired! Because you broke out of jail. You suddenly feel an enormous guilt because of what happened to the guard. Rumlow opens his mouth.

– Something you want to say, Rumlow?

Pierce’s voice determined.

Rumlow closes his mouth again. You look at him, but he doesn’t look back. Pierce puts a piece of paper in front of you.

– You’re fired from the office floor. I decided to put you in another department!

– What?

Rumlow speaks. It’s like he can’t hold back. He leans forward and looks at the papers. Then he looks up at Pierce again.

– You’re giving her a piece? Why?

Pierce gives Rumlow a hard look. Rumlow sits back in the chair again, and shuts up.

– I came across some security footage, and saw her potential. Do you have a problem with that?

– No, sir!

Pierce puts a pen on top of the paper in front of you.

– Fill that out. And you can start your training!

– My.. My training? For what?

– It’s about time we get a female on our team, don’t you think? And if you are as good as I think you are, you’ll have no trouble getting in the game.

You fill out the papers, and give them back to Pierce, without saying a word. It’s not hard, just a couple questions about your background, and personal information.

– You start training right away. Dismissed!

You stand up. Trying to wrap your head around what just happened. Rollins and Rumlow gets up as well.

– Rumlow, you stay! Rollins you start to train with YN.

You look at Rumlow. You know you have to leave, but you so want to talk to him. To tell him that what he heard was you talking about him.

– With all due respect sir. I should be the one training her!

– No, Rumlow. You’re gonna stay behind and tell me why you shared classified information with your live in girlfriend!

Finally Rumlow looks at you. Kinda a hard look, but you can still se some kind of hurt in there. You swallow, as Rumlow sits back down in his chair. How much trouble is he in?

– Rollins, dismissed!

Rollins puts a hand on your back and guides you out of the office.

You wake up early the next morning, Rumlows arms still safe around you. He is still sleeping, you can hear it on his breathing. You close your eyes again, and try to go back to sleep. But you can’t. So instead you just savour the feeling of his arms around you, comforting you, protecting you. You feel so safe around him. Like nothing can touch you.

After a while he’s starting to wake up as well. You turn towards him. Praying for him to open his beautiful hazel brown eyes. After some time he does. Looking at you, smiling.

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– I am so lucky to get to wake up to you beside me. Did you sleep well.

Rumlow plants a kiss on your forehead before you can answer his question.

– As well as I could, given everything.

Instead of saying some well thought out comforting words, he pulls you close to him, holding you.

– Nervous about today? Want me to go and talk to Pierce alone?

You look up at him.

– Thank you, but no. I have to meet him sooner or later anyway. It’s easier to just get it over with. Let him fire me. And if you’re there you can comfort me after.

Rumlow lets his hand glide down your stomach, and stops between your legs. Then he takes your hand and guides it down to his cock. It’s already rock hard. You close your fist around it and squeeze it a little. Rumlow slips one finger inside you.

– I can comfort you right now. You’re already wet and ready for me. Let me fuck you good morning before we leave.

You laugh a bit. Before he shuts you up with a deep intense kiss, climbs on top of you, and easily enters you. It’s like your body have been waiting for him to do that all night, that’s how easy it goes.

– Mmmmm

You don’t know what else to say. To have him inside of you is the best feeling in the world. Your bodies just fits together, it’s like you were made for each other.

– You like it?

– Fuck me, Brock!

Rumlow takes a hold of your arms and places them above your head, as usual. Thrusting deep and hard. His breath, moans and grunts of pleasure in your ear. You clenche your muscles around him, and lift up your legs, for him to get even deeper. Rumlow lets go of your arms, and picks up a little black device from the nightstand. Placing your legs on his shoulders, and aiming the device straight down on him gliding in and out of your pussy.

– Fuck this is beautiful, just wait until you see this.

With his other hand he starts to rub your clit carefully.

– Fuck, Brock! Make me come!

Suddenly he stops he’s not pulling out of you. But he stops. You desperately move, to show him that he have to continue.

– Make yourself come. Play with yourself. Come for me. I love to watch you.

You carefully move your hand down, and he starts to move again. At first you feel him. Letting your fingers glide over him every time he pulls out. Before he takes your hand, puts two of your fingers into his mouth, before placing them down where he wants them.

– Do it! I can’t hold it much longer. You’re so fucking tight!

You start to rub your clit, as Rumlow continues to thrust even harder than before.

– Aaaaa My.. Fuck!

– Yes! Come on! Come for me! Moan my name! Let your juices flow around my cock!

– Aaaa. Brock! I… I’m coming..

– Yes! Come on! Together!

Rumlow lies down on top of you for the last thrusts. It’s making it a little harder for you to move your hand, but you manage. The orgasm overpowers everything. You feel like you’re screaming. It’s always intense with Rumlow, he is an intense person. But still, you feel like last night and this morning have been more intense than usual.

You lie next to each other for a while, before you take a quick shower, and you get into your work clothes and leave for the SHIELD building. You’re sure that it’s the last time for you. But Rumlow seems pretty sure that everything will be sorted out.

When Rumlow parks the car in the garage, you take a deep breath. Rumlow takes your hand, and looks at you.

– Are you sure about this? I can talk to him alone. I’m just gonna show him the video of you being in the apartment the whole night. You don’t have to be there.

You squeeze his hand.

– Thank you, Brock. But I have to do this. I’m pretty sure he’ll fire me. But if he doesn’t I have to learn to deal with him.

– He’s not gonna fire you, YN!

You’re still not sure. But Rumlow seems determent, and that makes you feel a little better.

The elevator takes forever. Probably because you’re nervous. But still. Did it take this long last time? Rumlow holds your hand the entire time.

– I’m sorry, YN! I should never have left you.

– It’s not your fault, Brock! You were just following orders.

– Orders? Fuck!

Suddenly you feel scared again. When Rumlow is on edge about stuff. There must be a good reason.

– Something wrong?

– I disobeyed a direct order. I was NOT gonna tell you, not even after the mission. I’m lucky if he doesn’t fire me!

– He’s not gonna fire you, Brock. You’re his best agent. Aren’t you?

Rumlow looks at you. His look almost scares you. Is he scared of this Pierce guy?

– Good Agents don’t disobey orders, YN! And they sure as hell don’t let classified SHIELD operations become pillow talk.

You don’t know why. But the fear makes you angry. You never thought you’d ever get angry at Rumlow. And if you did, you never thought you’d actually show him that.

– Pillow talk? PILLOW TALK??!! Do you think me being thrown in jail is pillow talk? Do you think me almost getting shot, by my ex non the less, is pillow talk! I BECAME A PART OF THIS! THIS IS ALSO ABOUT ME! I ALMOST GOT KILLED! That’s not pillow talk, Brock. That’s real!

Rumlow doesn’t say anything. Nothing at all. Luckily the doors finally open, and you follow Rumlow out into the hall. He still doesn’t say a word. Did you go to far? Did you say something wrong? You really want to talk to him about it, but this is not the time nor the place to do that. And he’s not telling you to leave.

All the way down to Pierces office, Rumlow doesn’t turn around once. You just follow. You don’t know what else to do. Was this your first fight? Will it be the last? Is he mad at you? Did you just ruin everything? You decide not to think about it right now. Attack one problem at a time YN. First Pierce, then Brock.

Rumlow still doesn’t look at you, when you reach Pierces door. He just knocks. No more «Are you OK» or «I’ve got you». Maybe he doesn’t care if you’ll get fired. Deep breaths, YN. It is what it is.

– Come in, Rumlow!

Pierces voice from inside the office. Rumlow opens the door.

– So, you knew I’d come?

– Of course I knew. I’ve got eyes and ears in this entire building.

Pierce looks up from his papers, and see you.

– I can see you brought your little thief along as well. If Rollins didn’t come to talk to me before I’d have her thrown back in jail, where she belongs!

Rumlow goes all the way up to Pierces desk.

– She was in the apartment the entire night. She couldn’t have stolen anything. Besides we found the documents in Davids apartment.

– The David that conveniently is YNs ex. How well do you know her, Rumlow?

– I don’t have to know her, to know that she was in the apartment the entire night. Watch this, you’ll see.

Rumlow places the CD with the video on Pierces desk. Pierce looks at Rumlow.

– OK! I’ll watch it. I’ll have you both back here lunchtime. Remember she is not an employee at this time. Put her in Rollins’ office. And you! You go back to work.

With that he gestures for both of you to leave the office. Rumlow goes first, and you follow. He’s still not saying a word to you. Not in the elevator, and not for the walk to Rollins office.

Rollins office is almost identical to Rumlows. You walk over and sit down on the couch by the window. Rumlow shows you where there is things to drink, and tells you that he will pick you up when it’s time to face Pierce again. There is no emotion in his face or his voice. And you don’t want to ask either. But when he’s halfway out the door, and you still haven’t gotten so much as a little smile. You can’t keep your mouth shut anymore.

– Brock? Did we just have our first fight?

Rumlow turns around, and looks at you. Still no emotions. It’s like he shut them off.

– Yes!

Nothing more, just the yes. Before he closes the door.