For the next week, you train with knifes. Rumlow teaches you just about everything he knows. And you excel this time too. Maybe you have a neck for this fighting thing. Even Pierce is impressed with how fast you learn things. But it takes it’s toll. Friday you’re exhausted. As soon as you enter the apartment with Rumlow, you fall down on the couch.

– YN? Is everything OK?

Rumlow is cute when he’s concerned. And he has been quite a few times this week. Not only because of the knifes. He keeps asking if you’re fine, like ten times a day.

– Yes, Brock. I’m just tired. This week has been… Packed. I need a weekend in bed.. care to join me?

He smiles at you.

– Now that’s a deal I want in on! Look, I’ll draw you a bath. Then you can relax in there while I make dinner. Sounds good?

You yawn and stretch.

– Sounds perfect! Just make sure I don’t fall asleep in there..

– Want me to join you?

He asks while extending a hand to you. You smile, and take his hand.

– Did you even have to ask?

You stand up. Still holding his hand.

– Come her!

He says, before he grabs your behind, lifting you up. You love it when he does this. Again you wrap your legs around his waist.

– What do you want me to do to you in there?

He whispers into your neck.

– Ahhaa.. Anything you want, Brock!

You can feel his smile against your skin.

– Really? Anything?

He gently bites your shoulder.

– Yes, Brock! I’m yours…

He carries you into the bathroom. Puts you down on the floor, and turn on the water. Then he turns back to you. Looks at you for some time.

– On your knees!

Oh, dominant Brock. You love him. How he commands you around the dirty talk, that alone makes you wet as fuck. How he pins your arms against the wall or behind your back. And how he grabs your hair. None of it hurts. He knows what he’s doing. And you know all to well what to do, to make him do all the things you love.

– And why is that Mr. Rumlow?

He tilts his head a little. Before he pushes you up against the wall. Pinning your arms over your head. Just like you love, just like he knows you love. You smile at him.

– If you keep playing this game Miss. YLN, I might have to punish you a little bit.

You send him a teasing smile.

– You should. Mr. Rumlow. I’ve been a bad girl… I deserve punishment.

– Really?

– Mmmm..

He leans in closer, his lips almost brushing over yours. You move to meet them. But he moves away.

– Ah ah… Bad Girl.. I want your lips on other parts of me..

He lets go of your arms, and start to undress. You do the same. Clothes falling to the floor. Before he again commands you to get to your knees. This time you oblige. He gently takes a hold of your hair, guiding your face to where he wants it. You put your hands on his hips. Look up at him, looking down at you.

– Now open that sweet little mouth of yours…

He don’t have to ask twice. You love to do this. To see his eyes, as you swallow him down. To feel his legs shaking under him when he’s close to coming. To feel his hands in your hair, to hear his moans. Fuck. So hot.

– Yes! Aaaaaa.. Fuck.. Like that. You sweet little thing..

You carefully drag your head back, let your tongue swirl around his tip. The slightly salty taste of his precum hits your tongue. Fuck, you want more. Something wet hits your knees. You move your eyes over to the bathtub. Water pouring over the edges of it.

– Ehh.. Brock?

He looks at the tub. Lets go of your hair.

– Fuck!

He quickly turns the water off. Before he casually enters the tub. Sits down. More water pouring over the edges. He gestures for you to join him.

– Err.. Shouldn’t we clean up?

– Nah.. It’s already soaking wet. Just like you I think. And right now all I want is you.

The way he says it makes your belly clench. Fuck, how you want him. You enter the tub. Start to sit down.

– Stop!

He commands. Before seizing your behind, and burying his face between your legs. Shit! Fuck! Your legs are about to give in under you.

– Fuck! Brock..

– Mr. Rumlow!

He murmurs into your wet flesh, before he lets his tongue glide over you. You grab his hair. Your legs shaking. Fuck!

– I… I.. Mr… fuck!

A long slow lick, before he looks up at you.

– Sit down on me!

You take a deep breath, before you slowly strattle him. More water pouring over the edges of the tub. He doesn’t seem to mind that his bathroom is about to be water damaged. He is there, rock hard, waiting to enter you.

He grabs you the second you start to sit down on him. Plunging upwards. Pulling you close. It feels incredible. The two of you moving, breathing, moaning together like you were one. His lips on your skin, savouring the taste of you.

He grabs your shoulders from behind, pushing you on to him. The way he hits all your nerves, all the right spots.

– Aaaaa.. Fuck, Brock!

He’s holding you tight. Wiggles himself.

– Aaaaaa My God!!

– You like that, princess?

He whispers in your ear.

– Yes! Fuck, Brock…

He pulls himself out.

– Brock, please…

You beg.

– Come here, princess. Let’s continue this another place!

He gets out of the tub. Takes your hand, and you follow him into the bedroom. You’re both still soaking wet from the tub.

– Get on the bed!

He commands. Voice soft, but still a command. You know him that well. You lie down on the bed. Look up at him with anticipation.

– Please, touch me Brock!

– Shhh.. Princess! You said I could punish you, right?

You swallow. He has a plan.

– Yes!

– Good!

He walks over to his cabinet of toys. Back against you. He takes out a couple of things. Small things as it look. You can’t quite see what it is. And even if you did. You’re not that familiar with toys such as his.

He turns around and walks over to you. A small chain, and something else. But you have no idea what it is.

– You know what this is?

He asks. You shake your head. He continues to secure each end of the chain to the two small things.

– These are nipple clamps…. one will go there…

He carefully bites your right nipple.

– And the other one will go here..

He leans down and carefully bites the other one.

– And this….

He presents the chain to you.

– This will go here…

He puts the chain in your mouth. Before he proceeds to put the clamps on your nipples. It’s not that tight. But it’s tight enough, and if you arch your back or pull your head back. You’ll yank them. And that’ll hurt.

When he’s done he just sits on top of you. Looking at your peaking nipples and the chain in your mouth.

– And of course there is these…

He lifts up his handcuffs. Leans over you, and secure your arms to the bedpost. You’re immobilised….

Rumlow removes a couple of hairs away from your face. You open your eyes, and he gives you a smile.

– Welcome back..

You look around. You’re lying in the bed, a blanket over you.

– Back?

He kisses you.

– You fainted on me..

What? You fainted? Is that even possible?

– How… How long was I out?

Another kiss, another smile.

– A couple of minutes. Everything OK?

– Err.. Sure.. I.. I fainted?

He laughs a bit.

– Yes. That was something new.

– I fainted?

You mutter to yourself, as you roll over on your back. So that’s what you felt, when that euphoric feeling came over you. That was definitely something new.

Rumlow gets the blanket over himself as well, puts an arm around you.

– You know I love you, right?

You turn your head to look at him.

– Yes! And I love you too. Why do you ask?

He’s nervous. You can see it in his eyes.

– I’m sorry that I fainted. I didn’t mean to scare you.

Yet another kiss.

– That was fucking amazing, YN! You didn’t scare me. I got to take care of you. Like I want to do. Always.

– Then what is it?

He cleares his throat.

– Where are your parents?

You stare up at the ceiling again.

– Oh that… I should have known that this would come up at some point..

His arm holds you a bit tighter.

– You don’t have to tell me, YN. If it’s too hard.

– It’s not hard. Not like your story anyway. It’s actually kinda stupid.

– Do you want to talk about it?

You sit up. He sits up as well. Puts a hand on your back. You send him a little smile, before you get up from the bed, put some clothes on.

– I’ll tell you, Brock. But I really need food.

He gets up as well. Puts his sweatpants back on, before coming over to you, and wrapping you in a hug.

– I’ll order some food. Make yourself comfortable on the couch. Wine?

You look up at him, kiss him again.

– Wine sounds nice. And maybe some more of that Italian food.

– Italian food is it. Now go sit down.

About 30 minutes later, the food arrives. Rumlow sits down next to you, and puts some of the food on your plate. Hands you a glass of wine.

– So..

– Yeah.. My parents..

– Will I ever get to meet them?

You take a sip of your wine.

– I highly doubt it. Sorry.

– They’re still alive….. Right?

He sounds almost scared.

– Yes. They’re still alive…

You answer fast. Without thinking.

– If you can call it that…

You add..

– Bad people?

You take a breath.

– Err.. Not bad maybe. They’re overly religious. Like in a way I can’t even describe. I grew up with tons of rules and regulations. I felt smothered. So when I became a teenager…

You look at him. He takes your hand.

– I acted out. Went to parties, joyrides, blew up mailboxes… Stuff like that. And when I got my first boyfriend.. I ran away from home, with him. They found out of course. When you’re 16 years old, you’re not that good at hiding. Needless to say that relationship went to hell.

You take another sip of your wine. Rumlow isn’t saying anything. He’s just waiting for you to continue.

– Of course that didn’t help my rebellious faze. I got a new boyfriend. And… well.. Then our Minister found out that I lost my virginity. Don’t ask me how he found out. And well.. You’re supposed to wait with that until marriage. So I was thrown out of our congregation. And then…

You look at him again. How are you going to explaine this next part to him. You’ve always felt that everything that happened after that was your fault. That’s probably why you never asked for help. You just kept quiet, for years. What if he thinks so too.

– Yes?

He asks, while putting his arm around you.

– They gave me to David. He was a family friend. And.. Well they ment that he could take care of me. That he would eventually marry me, and make an honorable woman out of me. We all know how that went..

He pulls you into him. And you start to cry.

– I always thought everything was my fault. So I never asked for help. I told my parents the first time he assaulted me. They didn’t care. Said it was my punishment for turning my back to God.

He’s not saying anything. He just holds you. Protecting you. Like he always does. And he lets you cry out.

– So…

He cleares his throat.

– You haven’t been talking to them for..??

You look up at him. Dry your tears, and take another sip of the wine.

– Going on 10 years now. I was 19, when they handed me over to David. Not counting that phone call I made. I’m all alone, Brock.

Again he kisses you. A long kiss. Like he never wants to let you go.

– You’re not alone, YN! I’m here. I’ll always be here. With you. Always. Remember that!

You don’t know what to say. You know that he’s telling the truth. But the fear of being abandoned is stronger.

– And…

He continues. Contemplating is he should tell you this.

– Well. I’m Catholic. And I can tell you one thing for sure. What you went through with…. him….. That wasn’t a punishment from God. God doesn’t punish people.

You take another sip of your wine, Rumlow refills your glass.

– How do you know that? How can anyone know that? What if I’m just a bad person?

– You’re not a bad person, YN! And as to how I know that God doesn’t punish people. What could 8 year old me possibly have done to deserve that kind of punishment? God isn’t responsible for the bad things in the world. Sometimes bad shit just happens. It has absolutely nothing to do with the man upstairs.

You look at him again. He always manages to say all the right things at all the right times. How do you respond to this?

– Thanks for the wine..

He smiles.

– You’re welcome. But maybe we should eat a bit too.

– Yeah…

You say with a little laugh..

– Thanks for the food too.

You take a bite. It is if possible even better than last time. And it compliments the wine.

– Good?

– Perfect, Brock! Perfect.

He lets his hand rest on your thigh for a while, before you both go back to enjoying your food.

You’re happy that you told him. It’s been eating at you for some time now. The reason you left him that day in the apartment, and that night at the hotel. You were scared that he’d leave you. Just like everyone else in your life had done. But he’s still here. Even though he knows everything. He’s still here. Taking care of you, comforting you, protecting you. Maybe it’s time you start to believe that…

The sharp blade easily cuts through the thin strap on your bra. Rumlow stops for a second, looks at you. You slowly nod your head.

– Please, Brock! Undress me.. I want you!

He carefully cuts off the other strap. Continuing to look into your eyes.

– I trust you Brock! Just like I did the first night we met. Just like I do now. You won’t hurt me.

He takes a breath. Before he takes a hold of the front of your bra. Drags you up. Before letting the knife cut your bra in half, exposing your breasts to him.

– Fucking perfect!

He says, before putting the knife down on the nightstand, and burying his face between your peaking breasts. You gasp, grabbing his hair. You can already feel his erection through his thin sweatpants. Trying to break through, into your wet flesh. Rumlow lets out a moan into your skin.

– Fuck, Brock!

He lifts his face, looks at you. Before sliding his hands down your sides, grabbing your remaining underwear.

– Brock!

He stops. Again he looks at you.

– I need to be inside you, YN!

The words makes you float over with wetness.

– Then, remove my underwear. Fuck me, Brock!

He reaches for it again. You grab his face, and kiss him.

– No, Brock! With that..

You look at the knife. He looks at you for a bit, before he makes up his mind. Did you push him over the edge, or did he suddenly understand that he can do this, without hurting you? By the look in his eyes. Dominant Brock is definitely back.

He shifts in the bed, so he’s sitting between your legs, instead of on top of them. Before he quickly removes his sweatpants. You watch his every move. Eagerly waiting for his next move.

– So you want me to use this, huh?

You don’t answer. Dominant Brock is back, and you want him to do indisplicable things to you. He lets out a little laugh.

– Bad Girl!

He grabs your hips, pulling you up in his lap. Before he takes the knife from the nightstand, and cuts your underwear off. Leaving you exposed to him.

– Mine

He hisses.

– Yours

You respond, almost without thinking. Then he lifts your lower body up, and lets his tongue glide torturously slow over you. You try to buck your hips. But he’s holding you in place.

– Shhh, princess. It’s my turn now!

Again his tongue over your wet slith.

– Please, Brock!

He slowly closes his lips over your clit. At the same time he’s smiling down to you.

– Fuck!

You say it while sucking in a breath. He lifts his face his lips glistening from being on you.

– Do you have any idea how incredible you taste?

– God! Don’t stop!

You try to buck your hips again. But this time he places you back down on the bed.

– B… Brock.. Please..

He makes his way up to your face. You reach for his hips, to push him down on you. Desperate to feel him inside. But in one swift move he pins your arms over your head. Holding them in place using one of his hands. Then he kisses you. His soft lips on yours. Tasting like you and him mixed together.

His free hand travels down your stomach, before teasing your entrance, and smearing your wetness over your sensitive parts. You let out a moan into his mouth.

– Yes! That’s it! Tell me you like it. Tell me you want it!

– I want you, Brock!

He lets two of his fingers enter you. Letting go of your arms. You move them instantly grabbing for him.

– Fuck, B… Brock.. D… Don’t stop!

He sits up. Looking at his fingers moving inside of you, and your walls gripping around them. Desperate to keep them inside.

– You want to come?

– Fuck, Brock!

He stops, slowly dragging his fingers out.

– No, Brock. Please…

Again he makes his way up to your face, takes a gentle hold of your throat, dragging his wet fingers over your lips, before kissing you.

– Do you want to come?

– Yes, Brock!

Your words almost desperate. He leans down, let his tongue touch your earlobe, before whispering in your ear.

– Then beg for it!

– Ahhaaaa… Please, Brock!

He sits up again. Lets his thumb glide over your clit.

– Gooooood! Please, Brock… Fuck..

– Please, what?

– I want… I need.. I want to come! Please make me come… Pl..

Slowly he places one of his hands on your lower stomach, before he again slips two fingers inside of you, and then he starts to move them. It looks almost violent what he’s doing. But fuck how intently good it feels. You vision blurry, your hearing muffled. The intense warm feeling spreads throughout your body, before exploding in your lower stomach, sending waves of enormous pleasure to every part of you. You feel like you can’t even breathe. Between the moaning and screams of pleasure, you try to keep your lounges filled with air.

Your orgasm is so intense you don’t even realise that he stops. Carefully pulling his fingers out. And plants a kiss on your lower stomach.

– You’re so fucking beautiful. You know that?

You can’t answer. You can barley see clearly. The only thing you manage to do right now, is to breathe. Gods above that was fucking intense shit.

When you start to come back to reality again. Rumlow drags you up in his lap. Your legs on each side of him, giving you the ability to feel his erection against you. But he doesn’t enter you. Instead he takes your hands, and places them on his abs. You explore. Every inch, every part, every muscle. His firm and strong upper body feels amazing underneath your fingertips. The whole time he looks at you. Marveling how you react to the feeling of him against your fingertips.

– I want you, Brock!

Your words soft, almost like a whisper. He takes a hold of your waist, pulls you close to him. Before he slowly and carefully enters you. Filling you up inch by inch, all while resting his forehead on yours, looking into your eyes.

When all of him is buried inside you. You stop for a second, just looking at each other, before you start to move together, savouring that amazing feeling of being this close to one another.

– I love you, YN! Mine!

– Yours, Brock!

– Turn around…

His words lingers in the air for a second. Before he pulls himself out of you. You quickly turn around, desperate to have him inside again. And he wastes no time entering you again. Your walls gripping around him, instantly. The way he’s moving, hitting every single sensitive spot. He takes a firm hold around your waist, lifing your upper body up, so you’re on your knees on the bed. Back against him, his lips on the back of your ear. Him breathing heavily. Then he starts to move. The angle he’s hitting your spot, his arms holding you tight, pressing your bodies together.

– Aaaaahhaaa.. Fu… Brock..

– Yes! Grip around me! Feel every inch of me when I’m fucking you.

His words sends waves through you. You lean your head as far back you manage, as he continues to massage your walls every time he moves inside of you. He can feel that you’re close. So he slows down.

– Brock… Please!

Again he whispers in your ear.

– Tell me you want to come…. Beg me, to make you come!

Your legs like gello under you. The only thing that’s holding you up, is his arms around you. You can’t even move with him. That’s how close you are.

– Please… Brock… I… I need…

He gently bites your ear, and one of his hands caressing one of your breasts.

– Plhease… Make me come, Brock!

His grip around you tightens even more. He’s holding you in place. Then he ups the pace. Moving himself inside of you, like you were one. Grunting his own pleasure in your ear.

– You’re so tight around me. So tight… Come for me, YN! Now!

It’s like the whole world around you disappeares. Every sound, every sight, everything but a bright light and the intense ringing in your ears. It’s Euphoric. You can feel in your chest that you’re screaming out your orgasm. But you can’t hear anything. This is the most intense thing you’ve ever experienced, and God how you hope you can experience it again.

– I love you, YN!

You lie there beside him, just holding each other for a long time. Occasionally he carefully touches your bandaid. You look up at his face.

– Does Pierce know about your phobia for knifes?

He lets his hand rest on your bandaid.

– Does it hurt?

You shake your head. Then you lean into him, resting your forehead on his.

– Does he know?

– No, he doesn’t. And he don’t need to.

You sit up. At first he puts his hand on your back, before he sits up as well.

– What if you end up in a fight someday, where the enemy is a woman? What do you do then?

He looks at you. For a long time. Not saying anything.

– I never thought of that.

You stand up. Collect your clothes, you put on your underwear, and your t shirt. Rumlow sits there, looking at you. Then you go out into the living room. Pick up the knifes, before you go back to the bedroom. You don’t say anything. You just place the knifes on the nightstand. Then you walk over to the closet. Rumlow comes after you, and stops you.

– What are you doing?

– Helping you get rid of your phobia. It’s called exposure therapy. Here, put this on!

You give him some sweatpants. He takes them. Puts them on.

– What are you going to do, YN?

You turn towards him. Place your hands on his hips. Before leaning up to his face, place a kiss on his lips.

– We’re gonna play.

He swallows.

– Play?

– Yes, Brock. Play. If I win, I get to decide everything for the rest of the day.

– And if I win?

– I’ll decide what you’ll do to me!

He swallows again.

– I don’t know if I like where this is going.

You gently grab the necklace around his neck. Slowly dragging his face down to yours, before you whisper in his ear.

– You will….

He takes a deep breath, before he walks over to the nightstand. Pick up his knife. You gently grab his wrist.

– You don’t need that…. Yet..

Rumlow puts the knife back down on the nightstand.

– So…. What’s this game?

You take two steps backwards. Look at him.

– We’re gonna fight.

– I’m not gonna fight you, YN!

You tilt your head. Give him a little smile. He swallows again.

– What if I hurt you again?

– This is the whole point of exposure therapy, Brock! You have to do this things, so you learn that you wont hurt me.

– What if…

You walk up to him again. Put your finger over his lips.

– I trust you, Brock! You won’t hurt me. Do you trust me?

He nods.

– Then let’s do this! Come on!

In one swift move, you pin his right arm behind his back.

– Smart move, sweetheart. But not smart enough.

He grabs you with his left arm, spins you around to the front of him. Your back against him. And he holds you immobile.

– So this is how you want it, huh?

You ask. He leans down, whispers in your ear.

– I kinda like having you in this position, YN!

– Don’t get too comfortable. Jack taught me some trix!

When you say the last word, you do what Rollins taught you that first day. Use your back, and your leverage to throw Rumlow over your shoulder. He lands on his feet knees bent in front of you. He slowly stands up. Turns towards you. Smiles at you, and tilts his head.

– You really think I’d fall for that? That’s the oldest trick in the book!

– Who said I was done?

You get in fighting position, and Rumlow launches towards you. He’s fast, but so are you. Blocking each others attacks one after another.

– Pierce was right. You have excelled!

– Shut up and focus, Brock. You lose focus, I win!

Rumlow grabs your wrist. You quickly take aversive action. One leg over his arm holding yours, before pulling your body backwards dragging him with you. Then you wrap both your legs around his shoulders and his neck. His hand trapped underneath you. He is immobilised.

– What du you think about this?

He smiles at you.

– Good, Agent. Very good. I’m impressed. But you see. Speed isn’t everything. You also need strength.

His free hand takes a hold around your waist, lifting you up. Flipping you around. Placing you on all fours, with your legs on the floor and your upper body pushed down on the bed, pinning your arms on your back. Holding you there for a while, before he leans down, and whisper in your ear.

– I think you lost.

– Is that what you think?

He gently bites your earlobe.

– Try to get out of this, sweetheart!

– That’s not what I ment!

He lets go of you. Turns you around. You lie down on the bed. Look up at him.

– I won. That means I decide what to do to you.

You laugh.

– That’s not what I said, Brock!

He looks like a question mark.

– I said, if you win I get to decide what YOU were going to do to me. You see. I rigged the game. It’s like strip poker. Even if I lose, I win.

He places his hands on his hips. Shakes his head.

– You tricked me!

You slowly shake your head.

– No, Brock. I outsmarted you. There’s a difference.

– Already thinking like an Agent. Good, YN!

You look at him, before you lift your finger, telling him to come down to you. He gets down on the bed, slowly making his way up to your face.

– So.. What do you want me to do to you?

You give him a teasing smile. Before you let your hand glide down his upper body.

– Undress me, Brock!

He leans down, parting his lips, before taking your bottom lip between his. Your wrap your arms around him. Parting your lips, letting your tongue meet his. His hands glide down your side. Grabbing your shirt, before he lifts you up on his lap, dragging your shirt over your head. Marveling your upper body, and your lace laid underwear. He lets his hand glide down your back, ready to get your bra off you.

– Stop!

He stops. Lets his hands fall down to your thighs. Looking at you.

– Are you teasing me, YN?

Again you smile to him. Before you reach for his knife on the nightstand. He follows your movement. His hands twitching on your thights. He knows what’s about to happen.

You present the knife to him. He looks at you for a while, before taking it. With the knife in his hand, he continues to look at you.

– Use that!

You’re surprised that your voice is as confident as it is. You could have taken it too far with this.

– What?

Rumlow looks from the knife and up to your face. You slowly lie down again.

– Take my underwear off, with that!

– YN?

– I trust you, Brock!

He slowly lifts up the knife, look at it. Before he carefully places it underneath one of the straps on your bra. You look at him. Noding your head. Telling him that this is OK.

– Good boy…

You look from the angel and back to Rumlow. Then you swallow. You don’t know what to say. So you put your hand on his thigh. Carefully holding the angel with the other one.

– Do you want to talk about it?

He slowly turns his head towards you. His eyes already wet with tears. He is actually crying. This must be something really serious. He looks at the bandaid on your arm.

– I made it for my mom….

His voice breaking when he says the word «mom». Then he bends down, puts his face in his hands, and the dam breaks. He cries so hard, he’s shaking. You place the angel on the table, and put your arms around him. Resting your head on his upper arm.

– I’m sorry, Brock. If this is too hard. You don’t have to.

He sits back up, dry off his tears. Looks at you.

– You deserve to know, YN! I need for you to know.

You nod, slowly.

– She’s dead!

Again, you don’t know what to say. So you take his hand in yours. He squeezes it.

– Thank you, YN!

– For what?

– For sticking with me!

– I’ll never leave you, Brock!

Then he tells you. About how he made the angel at school. Used the colors his mom liked the most. Carved her name at the bottom of the angel. Eager to get home, to give it to her. Like every eight year old would be. And about how he found his mom, lying on the kitchen floor, when he got home. And how difficult his life became after that. How he was moved from foster home to foster home, never finding his true place in life. How he acted out. Got into fights, and never excelled at school. And how he eventually in-listed in the military.

When he’s done talking. He just looks at you.

– Where is your father?

He squeezes your hand again.

– Dead!

He says it without any emotion. Not like when he talked about his mom. It’s like his father never existed to him. You swallow..

– Did…

– He killed her!

This is insane! How can anyone survive a loss like that? Losing both parents at such a young age… You felt bad too, when your parents made the choice about you. But at least they’re both still alive.

– So I killed him!

His voice so hard it almost scares you. He killed his own father?

– He didn’t just kill her, YN. He killed a part of me that day. And I promised myself that I would never feel anything ever again. And I managed that…. Until you showed up!

You? What does he mean?

– I… I never ment for…

He carefully lifts your face up to his.

– I didn’t mean it like that! I fell in love with you. I love you, YN! And I treated you like shit! And now… now I hurt you!

He touches the bandaid.

– It… It was an accident, Brock. It happens!

– Not with me. I TOLD Pierce that I didn’t want to do this. And I don’t understand why he insisted that I do it. Rollins is just as good as me. To draw a knife on a woman.. That’s something I swore I’d never do!

He starts to bend over again. So you strattle him. Grab his face with both hands, look him in the eye.

– Brock! Listen to me! I love you. And you didn’t draw a knife on me. We were sparring. Training. Accidents do happen you know.

– How can you be so calm about this? I stabbed you!

You place a soft kiss on his lips.

– No you didn’t, Brock. The knife hit my arm. If anything it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. Look. Let’s take a break. Get some food or something. And then we’ll find a different way to do this. A way that doesn’t get any of us hurt. Sounds good?

He nods.

– I love you, YN!

You smile at him, then you kiss him again.

– I love you too, Brock!

Your lips meet again. The kiss is so good, you don’t realise that he removes your gear belt.

– Come here, princess!

He stands up, and you wrap your legs around his waist. Between kisses and soft bites on your neck, he carries you into the bedroom.

You’ve never had this kind of experience with him before. At least not the sex part. He is so soft and tender. Exploring your whole body with his hands. Slowly removing your clothes, as well as his own. It’s like the most romantic thing you’ve ever experienced.

He’s usually rough, dominant, dirty talker. Not this time. This time he’s different. Takes his time with you. Only concentrating on you. No handcuffs. No orders. No hard or dirty talk. When he finally gets on top of you, you’re aching for him, all of him. His eyes on yours, when he enters you.

– You are so beautiful! I love you!

You touch his chest. Carefully exploring every part, every muscle.

– I love you too, Brock!

Having him inside you, and hearing him talking to you in this soothing, romantic way, is if possible even better than the rough dominant way. Feeling him massaging your walls every time he moves himself back and forth inside of you. His breathing and his moans in your ear, and against your skin. His lips tasting your skin, and yours tasting his.

– I… I can’t hold it anymore, YN!

You don’t answer. Instead you kiss his neck the way you know drives him insane. His moans, when he’s coming, is one of the sexiest sounds you’ve ever heard. He stays on top of you for a while. Looking at you. Before he lies down beside you. Pulling you close to him.

– I’m sorry, YN!

– For what?

– I didn’t.. You didn’t finish!

You smile at him.

– Brock.. It was amazing!

– Yes, it was.. But you still didn’t finish!

– It’s no big deal, Brock. It’s not like I expect to finish every time.

He slides his fingers up and down your spine. You lean your head back, and close your eyes. And Rumlow kisses your neck..

– It’s a big deal for me, YN! I want you to feel good!

He continues to kiss your neck.

– Mmmmmm.. You do…

– Then let me make you finish….

His fingers finds your clit. Massaging it. The feeling in indescribable. After everything this is insanely intense. His lips on your neck. And his fingers stroking back and forth over your clit.

– Goooood! Aaahhhaaa!

– Yes, princess! Do you like it?

– Yes! Don’t stop!

Soft bites on your neck.

– I’ll never stop. You’re so beautiful like this, YN!

You can feel that you are close. You almost forget how to breathe. Every muscle in your body is preparing for the tsunami that’s about to come, rushing over you. You move your head so you can see him.

– Look at me, Brock!

He ups the pace on his fingers. Looks at you, smiling. Then the wave hits. You grab his arm, holding it in place.

– You are so incredibly beautiful when you’re coming!

He continues to move his fingers over you. Your whole body spasms. Your moans echoing in the walls. You’re so sensitive his touch almost hurts. But you keep your grip of his arm. Looking into his eyes, looking at you with so much love, so much compassion, so much…

Finally he stops. Lets you breathe out the last few waves. Then he kisses you. A long, slow, soft kiss.

– I want you forever, YN!

– I am yours, Brock! Forever!

You stay at the hotel all through the weekend. Truth be told, you really don’t have anywhere else to go. But the room isn’t exactly free, so Monday morning, you decide to move into your SUV, just until you can get your apartment back in shape. No use in talking to Rumlow. You basically told him to come to you, when he was ready. But, oh lord how you miss his hands on you.

When you park the SUV in the SHIELD garage, you’re actually looking forward to training. To get out of your head for a while. Fighting is something you know how to do. It comes easy to you. And when you fight, you can forget Rumlow for a while.

Just as you’re about to enter the training area, Rollins shouts your name.

– Hey, YN. Pierce wants you in his office!

You blood runs cold throughout your body. Did Rumlow say something about what happened this weekend. That you froze up. Will you be fired? The Rumlow you thought you knew would’ve never done that. But you have come to the conclusion that you do not know him at all. And that side of him that you do not know. That side might do something like this.

– Did.. Do you know why?

Rollins shakes his head, before he places a hand on your shoulder.

– Probably something about field training or some shit. Don’t stress it, YN!

The five story elevator ride from the training area, up to Pierces office feels like a month. A long month. You prepare yourself for the worst. You know you froze up. But you haven’t been training that long. And you should really be allowed one mess up. At least since it wasn’t in the field. And no one died.

When you reach Pierces door, you lift you arm to knock, but then you hear Rumlows voice. You stop. Maybe this is your chance, to know what he doesn’t want to talk about. Is he trying to protect you from something?

– With all due respect, sir. I won’t do that!

Rumlow sounds angry, even when he uses that respectful tone. This is something he really don’t want to do.

– This is not up for discussion, Lt. Rumlow! Knifes are your specialty. And I clearly remember you asking to train her!

Silence.. Should you keep listening in? No, this feels wrong. He should tell you when he’s ready. You knock..

– Come on in, Agent YLN!

You open. Rumlow’s standing by his chair. He didn’t even sit down? This must be something really uncomfortable. But didn’t Pierce mention knifes? You can’t imagine Rumlow being uncomfortable around knifes. You still remember how he handled the knife that night at the bar with David. How it almost looked like it was glued to his hand, like it was a part of him. Him being afraid of knifes is just not an option. Is it you then? He doesn’t want to spend time with you.

– Agent YLN. Meet your special weapons and firearms trainer! I believe you already know him.

You look at Rumlow. He looks down. Absolutely not like him. Is it you, or is it this Pierce guy?

– uh.. err.. Yes. I know him. What about Ja… Agent Rollins?

– You have excelled Agent YLN. I believe Agent Rollins has done what he can do. So I’m handing you over to Lt. Rumlow. You’ll start right away.

Pierce turns to Rumlow.

– Agent Rollins will step in as head of Field Ops, while you spend time with our new recruite.

Rumlow keeps looking down. You’re unsure if Pierce notices. But you do. You know this look. This was how he looked at you at the hotel. You thought it was anger at first. But maybe it’s something else. A grief or a loss of some kind. You swallow.

– Is that understood Lt.?

– Yes Sir!

– Dismissed!

Rumlow turns around, doesn’t look at you, just walks straight pass you. You follow. Yet again you walk behind him. Will you ever find back to what you had? Not even in the elevator he’s looking at you. You try not to look at him ether. But it’s almost impossible.

When you reach the right floor, he doesn’t say anything. He just exits the elevator, and walk towards the training area. When he walks pass Rollins. He throws a set of keys to him. Rollins catches them mid air.

– You’re head of Field Ops. Pierce wanted me to do special weapons training with this one.

Oh, so that’s what you are now? «This one». Rollins looks at you. You send him an «I’m OK look» but you know that he doesn’t believe you. You don’t believe it yourself either. But Pierce gave you an order, and you, as an Agent and an employee, you are expected to follow that order.

Inside the training area, Rumlow stops in front of you, turns around. For a while you just look at each other. Why can’t he just say something. He can yell at you even. Everything is better than this silent treatment.

– Would you mind if we did this some other place?

Is it fear you hear in his voice? You look at him.

– Look, YN! I…

He clears his throat.

– Pierce gave me an order. And I’ll follow through. But maybe we could train at my place?

His place? That place he once called our place. You haven’t been there since you left. And now he wants you back there. Why can’t you do the training here at SHIELD. All the equipment you need is here. It feels more rational to do it here. But, then again, what do you know? He’s the expert.

– Sure? Whatever you say Lt.

He gives you a sharp nod, before he turns and walks to the door. You don’t move. What just happened? Is he really that adamant on not telling you, that he decided to treat you like a regular employee?

– What are you waiting for, Agent? Let’s go!

Did… Did he just pull rank on you? Well, guess the relationship is over. Then, what are you still doing here, YN? Oh, yeah.. That’s right. You have no place else to go. Your parents don’t want you back, and well.. You started fresh. It wasn’t easy. But you did. Are you really prepared to do that all over again? You sigh, then you follow him down to the garage.

You don’t say anything the whole ride back to his place. You can feel your eyes start to burn, but you push it away. You left, YN! Remember! You left because he didn’t want to talk to you. He didn’t want to share. He shut you out. And you couldn’t deal with that.

Up in his apartment, you look around. He redecorated. Two new shelves up on the wall, and a new table and dresser. Did he want to get every memory of you out of his apartment?

Rumlow leaves for the bedroom. You study the shelves. Some medals, and pictures, and an angel made of clay. Looks like something a kid would make at school. Does he have kids? It wouldn’t surprise you. He never used protection with you, and he never asked if you did. It would most certainly not be a surprise if he had more than one child. And that would of course be something he’d be afraid to tell you. But why? If he does have children, why would he think that would bother you?

– Brock?

You take a deep breath.. Well, there’s no turning back now..

– Yeah!

How do you ask? What do you say? You want him to know that you’re OK with this. That him having children doesn’t bother you. But how do you ask the question in a manner that’ll say just that?

Rumlow comes back from the bedroom, he puts a black bag down on the floor in front of him. Looks at you.

– Something you wanted to say?

You clear your throat. Look up at the angel on the shelf again. He follows your eyes. And.. Was that a defeat you saw in his eyes? Why is this so hard for him to tell you? Children are great. You always wanted a family. Of course, you kinda always managed to find «the right» men. So, well. No kids for you. At least not yet.

– Do you have a child?

Almost before you enter his hotel room, your lips meet. Hands searching each others bodies. Gear belts falling to the floor, followed by the rest of your clothes. He looks at you, gliding his hand over your breasts. Look down on them, and then he looks back up at you. You swallow.

– Lie down!

His voice, his eyes on you. You need him. Right now. You touch his chest. He puts his hand over yours, all the time he’s looking at you.

– Lie down!

You walk over to the bed, and lie down on it. Your whole body aches for him. You’re floating over with wetness. You look up at him, standing over you. Already rock hard. Standing proud. You feel the urge to taste him, but you don’t move.

– Put your arms over your head!

You move your arms, place them over your head.

– Good girl!

You love it when he says that to you. That means you did good, and that he’ll reward you. His eyes up and down your body.

– Spread your legs….

His voice is calm. Like he could do this forever. How is he doing this? You can’t even talk. You move your legs apart. Just a little. He looks at you.

– More!

You continue to look at him. The way he looks at you. Hungry, horny. You need him inside. Now! You move your legs more.

– Perfect!

He slowly makes his way up to your face. His biceps flexing. You can’t take your eyes away from the vains on his arms. Fuck!

You feel him between your legs. You buck your hips. You need him inside. What is he waiting for?

He grabs your arms. Looking intently into your eyes.

– I need you, YN! I want you! So you’ll have to pick a safe word!

You gasp. Safe word? He leans down and almost growls in your ear.

– Safe word, YN! You’ll need it.

He carefully bites your neck.

– Red!

You surprise yourself, that you’re capable of talking. He looks at you again.

– Perfect! Turn around!

You don’t move. Right now. He can do whatever he want’s to you. You just want him. You want that angry sex. That make up sex. You want it all.

– Turn. Around!

You smirk at him. You know him now. This is not like the first night. When you didn’t know what he was going to do.

– No!

He smiles at you. Teasing.

– You want to play games! Perfect!

He lets his hand glide over you, before he lets his index finger circle your clit. Careful not to touch it directly. Just circling it. You move with him. He thigthens his grip of your arms.

– Stay still, princess!

You desperately try to follow his command. But God how you need for him to touch you.

– Please…

You beg. This is driving you insane. He leans down, growling in your ear again.

– Shut up!

You suck in a breath. Fuck! Maybe you should’ve just turned around like he told you?

He continue to circle your clit. You can’t stay still, your legs shaking. You NEED for him to touch you. When you buck your hips this time. He stops. Gets up from the bed, and walk over to his clothes. Lifting his gear belt up. Removing the handcuffs from it, and then a rope. You follow him with your eyes. But you don’t dare to sit up. Is he going to tie you up?

He crawls up to your face again. Slowly he secures your arms to the bedpost. His chest over your face. You can’t hold back. You lift your head up, and let your tongue touch his skin. He sits up. Looking down at you.

– You want to taste me, don’t you?

You nod.

– Well, if you keep being a brat. I’ll make you wait!

– Please… I…

He takes a soft hold of your hair, and kisses you intently.

– You can keep being a brat. You just gonna have to live with the consequences.

– Please, Brock! I want you!

Another kiss.

– I want you too, princess…. All night!

It’s almost like you can’t breathe. All night?

– Fuck, Brock! Please…

He doesn’t answer. Instead he moves down on you. Letting his tongue glide over you.

– Shi… God!

– Good Girl! Stay still! Totally still!

This is going to be impossible. He isn’t wasting any time. His fingers joins his tongue, and instantly hits that spot. You can’t even make a sound, all your attention goes into lying still. You press your bottom down into the mattress. Your legs shaking. Toes curling.

– Fuck… Br… I… I’m going…. to…

– Ah ah…

He isn’t leaving your flesh. Lips closing over your clit, as the bubbling feeling takes over your entire body. His free hand holding your hips in place, as the orgasm rushes through your body.

Even before the waves of the orgasm leaves you, you know you screwed up. He told you to stay still. You didn’t.

– I’m sorry.. Sorry..

He slips his fingers out of you, and glides them over you, before he spanks you. You jump.

– I’m sorry… Sorry..

He grabs your inner thighs. Squeezing them.

– You’re sorry, huh?

He spanks you again. You suck in a breath. You could yell out «RED» but at the same time you want to be under his command. It’s thrilling. Just like when he spanked you, the first night.

– You know what happens to brats, right?

– Yes…

– What?

– They get punished?

He smiles.

– Good girl! What do you want me to do to you?

You don’t understand the question. Is he going to have you decide what he’s gonna do to punish you?

– What?

He gets on top of you. Pressing himself down on you. You buck your hips up against him. He grabs your chin, presses his lips down on yours, biting your bottom lip.

– I would stay absolutely still. If I were you!

– Brock, please.. I need you…

– Tell. Me. What. You. Want?

You look at him. You can’t do this. You want him, and you miss him like crazy. But you don’t get him. One second he is sweet and caring, and the other he is closed off. And now..

– Red!

He looks at you. Before taking the handcuffs off you. You turn away from him. He lies still for a while before he puts a hand on your shoulder.

– YN? Did I do something wrong?

You shrug.

– No, we’re cool. I just don’t get you..

He sniffles. Is he crying?

– What do you want from me, YN? Tell me, and I’ll give it to you!

You turn around. Look at him.

– I want you to talk to me, Brock! I want to know YOU!

– What do you want to know?

You lift your hand, to touch him. But then you put it back down.

– Mostly… Why you haven’t spoken to me in a week. Why you checked into this hotel? About your life, your childhood.

He turns to his back. Puts his hands over his face.

– I love you, YN! But… There’s some things I just can’t share with you yet…

You look at him. It sounds serious. And you can feel the tears burning behind your eyes. You can’t do this. As long as he’s not willing to share, you can’t do this. No matter how fantastic the sex part is. You need more than that. You get up from the bed. Start to put your clothes back on. He’s still lying there, with his hands over his face.

You don’t bother putting your gear belt back on, you just lift it up. When you reach the door, you turn around.

– Well, let me know when you can!

Then you leave his room. When you close the door behind you, you can hear something hitting it. He got angry again. It’s not that you’re afraid of him. You just can’t deal with his rapid mood swings.

When you finally get to your room, you let your tears run free. Why is love so hard all the time?

– I was actually coming to talk to you. Pierce approved you, and I asked some of the guys if they wanted to go out an celebrate. If you’re up for it.

Pierce approved you? You’re not even done with your training yet. You haven’t even used the knife. And you’re not familiar with combat under water. Or IN water..

– He what?

You can almost see Rollins’ smile through the phone.

– He saw how you did at target practice, and he always keeps one eye on the training area. Guess he thought you were ready. So? Celebrate?

Celebrate? Well, you do need a drink.

– Sure. I’ll celebrate with you. Oh, crap..

You take a deep breath and look towards your bathroom. Getting ready will not be easy, closing in on impossible in this mess.

– Something on your mind? I do believe he’ll be there, if that’s what you’re thinking about. He’s your boss after all.

– No, no, that’s not what I’m asking. It’s just that my shower is smashed…

You sigh. Perfect. Drinks with Rumlow and the guys, and you’re gonna show up looking like a rag doll.

– I’ll come and pick you up, YN. You can use my shower. No problem.

You hang up. Look down on your body. You still have your gear on. Maybe you should pack something else to wear out tonight. This outfit feels like an invite to a fight.

You just finish packing a bag, when Rollins knocks on your door. You throw the bag over your shoulder, and go to open.

The first thing you see, when you open the door is a paper with your picture on it, your information, and at the very bottom, Pierces signature and a red «APPROVED» stamped over it.

– Agent YLN! Ready for your first assignment?

You laugh a bit. Like a celebration is an assignment.

– And what might that be, Agent Rollins?

– Fix things with Agent Rumlow! We have to trust each other out there, we are responsible for each others lifes. Communication is Key!

You close your eyes.

«I thought you said I wasn’t worth it!»

He probably won’t even talk to you now. Maybe you should just quit. You don’t want to bother Rollins with that, so instead you fake a smile.

– Maybe after a few drinks. Right now I want to take that shower.

—————————————

Rollins’ apartment is just two blocks away from Rumlows. Also on the top floor. Aside from the interiour the apartments are identical. Rollins sits down on his couch.

– The bathroom is yours, Agent.

Happy that you can finally take a shower, and put on some clothes that doesn’t scream «fight me now» you walk into the bathroom. In there, you find a new set of gear for you. SHIELD mark on the arm. Just like all the other Agents have. You lift up the gear belt. Is it just you, or is this heavier? You pop your head out of the bathroom door.

– Jack! I can’t wear this tonight!

– Yes, you can. We all do. Remember, this is a part of your body now! Learn to live with it!

Listen to him, YN! He’s the one who trained you. He’s the one that got you approved….

…..And if your gut feeling is correct. Some dumbass drunk guy is going to try and fight you tonight. Let’s just hope he’s really drunk…

————————————————-

The shower helped. And you weren’t wrong when you felt the gear belt being heavier. There is some new additions to it. A retraction rope, and extra ammunition to name a few. Are these guys expecting a fight all the time? Will you also have to expect that now?

It’s already dark, when you walk towards the pub down the street. The same pub you met Br… Rumlow in. You take a deep breath. Just a couple of drinks. If it get’s too weird, you can always go to the hotel you booked.

– Nervous, YN? Come on, you deserve this. First round is on me!

Rollins voice drags you back to reality.

– A little bit.. I mean, what do I say to him. Communication haven’t exactly been blooming lately.

– Say what you feel, YN!

You stop. Do you even know what you feel anymore? Sure, you love him. But is that enough? Will you be able to live with him and this mood swings, his temper? His inability to say what’s really on his mind?

Rollins stops a couple of steps in front of you. Turns around.

– Changed your mind? You don’t want to go?

He comes over to you. Takes a hold of your shoulders.

– Listen, YN! Rumlow is an Alpha male! And we can be difficult from time to time. But from what I know about you, you’re an Alpha female. So you should be able to take it. Make him talk, YN! It’ll get better then.

Make him talk? Talk about what? All he cares about is his job! He called what you talked about pillow talk. All he cares about is following orders, SHIELD and hiding his emotions. Maybe it used to be you… But it’s not anymore…

– Hey, YN! He really does like you. Trust me. I can tell. I’ve known him since we were 18. Two drinks. Then you can leave!

Fine.. You can manage two drinks. Only two. To celebrate, right? Come on, YN. You can do this.

A lot of the other Agents are already there when you arrive. You know some of them. But some of them you haven’t even met yet. Rollins introduces you as the new asset on the team, the conversation centers around your training, and how highly Pierce talks about you. You try to concentrate, and answer their questions. But your mind is filled with Rumlow, and there is a guy at your table that keeps sending you hard looks. You don’t know why. Is he mad because you’re a girl, or does he think that you got a place on the team because of Rumlow? You try to send a hard look back, but he just continues to look at you. This whole situation is making you nervous. What is this guys problem?

– Started without me I see…

Rumlows voice behind you. You don’t turn around. But when he sits down on the empty chair next to you, you look at him. He glances at you. But nothing more.

You keep talking to the others. This is actually pretty nice, all things considered.

– Hey hey, wait up.. I just have to put my make up on first..

The angry guy from across the table, he looks at you when he’s talking. But you can tell that he’s talking ABOUT you, and not TO you. Where did this comment come from? Haven’t you proved your worth? Your skills? Isn’t it enough that Pierce approved you?

Rumlow slams his hand down on the table. You jump.

– WHAT!?!?

Rumlow looks at the guy, and you recognise the look from that day out in the hall, outside his office. When he fired that guy, and everybody found out about your relationship.

– It was a joke, Rumlow!

The other guys voice almost trembling. Is he scared of Rumlow?

– We do NOT crack jokes on fellow Agents expense! Especially the females!

The guy swallows. He doesn’t take his eyes away from Rumlow. It’s almost like he thinks that Rumlow can jump over the table and beat his ass at any second. This was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. Why does things like this continue to happen to you? You stand up.

– I… I’m just gonna go and PUT MY MAKE UP ON!

You emphasis the words, and look at the guy. Hopefully he’ll stop while he’s still ahead. You don’t want to watch this unfold. So you leave for the ladies room.

Again you find yourself standing in there. Leaning against the sink. Looking at yourself in the mirror. The only thing that changed are your outfit, and your fighting skills. If someone assaults you now, you can easily overpower them. Rollins taught you good. You take a deep breath, before walking out the door.

– Hey, YN! Wait up!

You turn around. It’s that guy. Did he follow you?

– What’s up?

You try to sound casual and calm, but you feel like your voice is shaking. You can handle yourself, YN. What are you afraid of?

He comes all the way up in your face. You maintain eye contact, like Rollins taught you.

– Rumlow kicked my Brother off the squad, and then suddenly we’re going Co-ed. And you, YOU’RE fucking your way up the floors aren’t you?

He lifts his arm. Is he going to hit you? Your mind instantly goes back to David. How he hit you, again and again. How you day after day, week after week, moth after month, year after year went to work with the same black eye, and the same excuse.

And then, you remember the night you met Rumlow. Davids hand around your throat. How you though you were going to die. How Rumlow yanked him away from you.

You look at the guys arm again, ready to hit you.

– Let’s see how good you really are. Little Bitch!

You can’t move. You completely freeze up. It’s like your brain isn’t functioning. Come on, YN! You can easily put this guy down.

Someone grabs his arm. You’re so inside your own head, that you don’t even know if it’s you or not. One quick movement forward, then back again. The guy goes down like a twig.

– What the fuck, Rumlow! You broke my arm!

You look up. Rumlow looks down at the guy on the floor.

– Serves you right! Don’t bother showing up at work on Monday! Now, get the fuck out of my face!

The guy get to his feet, and run away. You look at Rumlow, looking at you. He looks at you like your boss. Like you did something wrong, or like the teacher did, if you failed a test, or didn’t do your homework. You swallow. Is he going to kick you out now?

– You froze!

He’s not mad. Just determined. Like he want’s to teach you something.

– I….

You don’t get to say anything else, before your lips collide in a kiss so intense you almost lose your ability to breathe….

– I was actually coming to talk to you. Pierce approved you, and I asked some of the guys if they wanted to go out an celebrate. If you’re up for it.

Pierce approved you? You’re not even done with your training yet. You haven’t even used the knife. And you’re not familiar with combat under water. Or IN water..

– He what?

You can almost see Rollins’ smile through the phone.

– He saw how you did at target practice, and he always keeps one eye on the training area. Guess he thought you were ready. So? Celebrate?

Celebrate? Well, you do need a drink.

– Sure. I’ll celebrate with you. Oh, crap..

You take a deep breath and look towards your bathroom. Getting ready will not be easy, closing in on impossible in this mess.

– Something on your mind? I do believe he’ll be there, if that’s what you’re thinking about. He’s your boss after all.

– No, no, that’s not what I’m asking. It’s just that my shower is smashed…

You sigh. Perfect. Drinks with Rumlow and the guys, and you’re gonna show up looking like a rag doll.

– I’ll come and pick you up, YN. You can use my shower. No problem.

You hang up. Look down on your body. You still have your gear on. Maybe you should pack something else to wear out tonight. This outfit feels like an invite to a fight.

You just finish packing a bag, when Rollins knocks on your door. You throw the bag over your shoulder, and go to open.

The first thing you see, when you open the door is a paper with your picture on it, your information, and at the very bottom, Pierces signature and a red «APPROVED» stamped over it.

– Agent YLN! Ready for your first assignment?

You laugh a bit. Like a celebration is an assignment.

– And what might that be, Agent Rollins?

– Fix things with Agent Rumlow! We have to trust each other out there, we are responsible for each others lifes. Communication is Key!

You close your eyes.

«I thought you said I wasn’t worth it!»

He probably won’t even talk to you now. Maybe you should just quit. You don’t want to bother Rollins with that, so instead you fake a smile.

– Maybe after a few drinks. Right now I want to take that shower.

—————————————

Rollins’ apartment is just two blocks away from Rumlows. Also on the top floor. Aside from the interiour the apartments are identical. Rollins sits down on his couch.

– The bathroom is yours, Agent.

Happy that you can finally take a shower, and put on some clothes that doesn’t scream «fight me now» you walk into the bathroom. In there, you find a new set of gear for you. SHIELD mark on the arm. Just like all the other Agents have. You lift up the gear belt. Is it just you, or is this heavier? You pop your head out of the bathroom door.

– Jack! I can’t wear this tonight!

– Yes, you can. We all do. Remember, this is a part of your body now! Learn to live with it!

Listen to him, YN! He’s the one who trained you. He’s the one that got you approved….

…..And if your gut feeling is correct. Some dumbass drunk guy is going to try and fight you tonight. Let’s just hope he’s really drunk…

————————————————-

The shower helped. And you weren’t wrong when you felt the gear belt being heavier. There is some new additions to it. A retraction rope, and extra ammunition to name a few. Are these guys expecting a fight all the time? Will you also have to expect that now?

It’s already dark, when you walk towards the pub down the street. The same pub you met Br… Rumlow in. You take a deep breath. Just a couple of drinks. If it get’s too weird, you can always go to the hotel you booked.

– Nervous, YN? Come on, you deserve this. First round is on me!

Rollins voice drags you back to reality.

– A little bit.. I mean, what do I say to him. Communication haven’t exactly been blooming lately.

– Say what you feel, YN!

You stop. Do you even know what you feel anymore? Sure, you love him. But is that enough? Will you be able to live with him and this mood swings, his temper? His inability to say what’s really on his mind?

Rollins stops a couple of steps in front of you. Turns around.

– Changed your mind? You don’t want to go?

He comes over to you. Takes a hold of your shoulders.

– Listen, YN! Rumlow is an Alpha male! And we can be difficult from time to time. But from what I know about you, you’re an Alpha female. So you should be able to take it. Make him talk, YN! It’ll get better then.

Make him talk? Talk about what? All he cares about is his job! He called what you talked about pillow talk. All he cares about is following orders, SHIELD and hiding his emotions. Maybe it used to be you… But it’s not anymore…

– Hey, YN! He really does like you. Trust me. I can tell. I’ve known him since we were 18. Two drinks. Then you can leave!

Fine.. You can manage two drinks. Only two. To celebrate, right? Come on, YN. You can do this.

A lot of the other Agents are already there when you arrive. You know some of them. But some of them you haven’t even met yet. Rollins introduces you as the new asset on the team, the conversation centers around your training, and how highly Pierce talks about you. You try to concentrate, and answer their questions. But your mind is filled with Rumlow, and there is a guy at your table that keeps sending you hard looks. You don’t know why. Is he mad because you’re a girl, or does he think that you got a place on the team because of Rumlow? You try to send a hard look back, but he just continues to look at you. This whole situation is making you nervous. What is this guys problem?

– Started without me I see…

Rumlows voice behind you. You don’t turn around. But when he sits down on the empty chair next to you, you look at him. He glances at you. But nothing more.

You keep talking to the others. This is actually pretty nice, all things considered.

– Hey hey, wait up.. I just have to put my make up on first..

The angry guy from across the table, he looks at you when he’s talking. But you can tell that he’s talking ABOUT you, and not TO you. Where did this comment come from? Haven’t you proved your worth? Your skills? Isn’t it enough that Pierce approved you?

Rumlow slams his hand down on the table. You jump.

– WHAT!?!?

Rumlow looks at the guy, and you recognise the look from that day out in the hall, outside his office. When he fired that guy, and everybody found out about your relationship.

– It was a joke, Rumlow!

The other guys voice almost trembling. Is he scared of Rumlow?

– We do NOT crack jokes on fellow Agents expense! Especially the females!

The guy swallows. He doesn’t take his eyes away from Rumlow. It’s almost like he thinks that Rumlow can jump over the table and beat his ass at any second. This was supposed to be a nice quiet evening. Why does things like this continue to happen to you? You stand up.

– I… I’m just gonna go and PUT MY MAKE UP ON!

You emphasis the words, and look at the guy. Hopefully he’ll stop while he’s still ahead. You don’t want to watch this unfold. So you leave for the ladies room.

Again you find yourself standing in there. Leaning against the sink. Looking at yourself in the mirror. The only thing that changed are your outfit, and your fighting skills. If someone assaults you now, you can easily overpower them. Rollins taught you good. You take a deep breath, before walking out the door.

– Hey, YN! Wait up!

You turn around. It’s that guy. Did he follow you?

– What’s up?

You try to sound casual and calm, but you feel like your voice is shaking. You can handle yourself, YN. What are you afraid of?

He comes all the way up in your face. You maintain eye contact, like Rollins taught you.

– Rumlow kicked my Brother off the squad, and then suddenly we’re going Co-ed. And you, YOU’RE fucking your way up the floors aren’t you?

He lifts his arm. Is he going to hit you? Your mind instantly goes back to David. How he hit you, again and again. How you day after day, week after week, moth after month, year after year went to work with the same black eye, and the same excuse.

And then, you remember the night you met Rumlow. Davids hand around your throat. How you though you were going to die. How Rumlow yanked him away from you.

You look at the guys arm again, ready to hit you.

– Let’s see how good you really are. Little Bitch!

You can’t move. You completely freeze up. It’s like your brain isn’t functioning. Come on, YN! You can easily put this guy down.

Someone grabs his arm. You’re so inside your own head, that you don’t even know if it’s you or not. One quick movement forward, then back again. The guy goes down like a twig.

– What the fuck, Rumlow! You broke my arm!

You look up. Rumlow looks down at the guy on the floor.

– Serves you right! Don’t bother showing up at work on Monday! Now, get the fuck out of my face!

The guy get to his feet, and run away. You look at Rumlow, looking at you. He looks at you like your boss. Like you did something wrong, or like the teacher did, if you failed a test, or didn’t do your homework. You swallow. Is he going to kick you out now?

– You froze!

He’s not mad. Just determined. Like he want’s to teach you something.

– I….

You don’t get to say anything else, before your lips collide in a kiss so intense you almost lose your ability to breathe….