The taste of him make the spot between you legs throb. *Oh God, I need him inside me* He gets the message, composes himself, and pulls you up in a standing position. Still holding your arms above your head. Your heart is pounding out of control.

– Do you want it?

You nod. And he smiles to you.

– Tell me how much?

– I… I want you inside me….

He lets go of your arms, and takes another hold of your hair, pulling your head back.

– Say it again!

He leans in close, and kisses your neck. You moan. You can’t speak. He pulls you close to him, breathing in your ear. *Please, I can’t take this anymore*

– Tell me you want me…

– I…. Please!

– Please, what?

– God.. Just fuck me already!

You can feel his smile. And you know, you just fucked up. Now he’ll make you wait even longer. Fuck. He yanks you around, so that your back is against him. You can feel his erection against your bottom.

– Show me your bed!

He is still holding your hair in a tight grip. You start to move, slowly towards your bedroom. You have no idea what to expect from here. But you can’t stop. You have never wanted someone this much before.

When you get to your bed, he yanks you around again, and pushes you down on the bed. You look at him, as he removes his shirt. Now totally naked in front of you, you want him even more. He has it all. The abs, the arms, and his… You want it all.

He looks at you for a second, before he calmly comes over to the bed, and slowly, painfully slowly, removes your underwear. Then he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth. Your back arches. His hand moves down your stomach, and before you can think about what is happening, he puts one finger inside you. You gasp.

– Already so wet…

He whispers against your skin. You reach for him, you need to touch something, something to ground you. Another digit inside. Pumping, finding that spot. He is merciless, pumping hard, you can see the muscles in his arm working. All his attention goes into this one task. You desperately try to grab whatever you can get a hold on, to grund you. The hoarse moans escaping you, makes him work you even harder.

– You… You. I’m. You’re going to make me cu..

He looks at you. And as soon as your eyes meet, you get what he is doing.

– Oh, no you don’t!

He says with a smirk. And with that, he yanks his fingers out. Your body aches. You were so close.

– FUCK YOU!

Your anger got the best of you. *Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that!* He gets on top of you. Lingers over your face for a second.

– What was that?

You look away, still pissed that he stopped when you were that close. He takes a deep breath.

– Give me your hands!

You still don’t look at him. And you don’t move.

– Not a smart move, sweetheart!

In one swift move, he pins both your hands over your head, and put his whole body weight on you. He kisses you aggressively, biting your bottom lip.

– Who is in charge here?

Fuck him. You needed that orgasm, and he took it away. No fucking way, you are gonna let that slide. You look at him with a smirk.

– Well, me of course!

His eyes searching yours. You don’t blink. *No, sir, you didn’t go too far*.

– Wrong answer!

Another swift move, and you are on your hands and knees in the bed. He gently puts a hand on your back, arching it, so you are on display for him. You don’t dare move. You can feel him looking at your wet flesh.

– Beautiful!

You feel his breath on you. You arch your back more, to get closer.

– Ah ah ah.. stay still. You know what happens to brats, don’t you?

You breathe in hard. You can feel his smirk, behind you. *God, he’s really enjoying this*.

– They get punished! So start counting. I want 5!

You close your eyes.. *5 of what? Fuck, why didn’t I think this through?*

His hand hits your bottom hard. You jump. Don’t dare to say a word. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He stops behind you. You can hear his breathing.

– Can’t hear you! That was?

Still you can’t say anything. Althoug you feel safe around this guy, you didn’t expect this. And you don’t know how to respond. You feel him shift in the bed behind you, and then he once again takes a hold of your hair, yanking your head back.

– I’m waiting!

– O…One!

You manage to finally get the word out. He lets go of your hair, and lets his hand slide down your spine. It makes you shiver. But then, his hand hits your bottom again, harder this time.

– Two… Please!

He pauses for a second. Waiting for your move. But you don’t make one. For some reason, unknown even to you. You want to see this through. Another hit.

– Th… Three

Tears are forming in your eyes, and sweat is bathing on your forehead.

– Good girl!

Then another one. *God this hurts*

– Four….

You try to turn your head to look at him.

– NO, keep your head down! That’s a good girl. Keep that position!

Then another hit, followed by a sqeeze. You breathe heavily. Unable to speak..

– And….

– F.. Fi… Five..

You fall down on the bed. Tears falling from your eyes. He lies down beside you, and kisses your forehead.

– I’m sorry for that. But, you were a good girl. Keep that up, and I won’t have to do it again.

Vet du hvordan det er å gå rundt å være redd og bekymret hele tiden, Jonas? Kan du tenke deg til hvor slitsomt det er? Kan du tenke deg hva det gjør med nattesøvnen, matlysten, orken til å gjøre noe? Kan du det, Jonas? Kan du det?

 

Kan du se for deg hvordan det er å gå julen og resten av vinteren i møte, vel vitende om at du må spinke og spare på strømmen, og dermed sitte å fryse i din egen stue? Kan du forstå hvordan det er å se stablen med ved minke og minke, og du stadig blir reddere for å måtte fryse i januar og februar, fordi den eneste muligheten du har til å varme opp huset ditt er ved (fordi strømmen er så dyr)? Kan du forstå hvordan det er å hver dag måtte planlegge alt ned til minste detalj, slik at du ikke må bruke mer enn ett elektrisk apparat om gangen? Kan du forstå hvordan det er, Jonas? Kan du det?

Kan du forstå hvordan det er å være ufør alenemor til tre barn, med den ville prisveksten vi ser nå? Kan du forstå hvordan det er å lage nudler eller tomatsuppe til middag flere ganger i uka, fordi du hverken har råd til å kjøpe eller å lage annet? Kan du sette deg inn i hvordan det føles å måtte fortelle venner og familie at du ikke har råd til julegaver i år? Kan du forstå hvordan det er for noen som alltid har klart seg selv, å vurdere å be matsentralen i kommunen om en pose med mat? Kan du føle tårene mine, Jonas? Kan du det?

 

Kan du forstå hvordan det er å måtte sove med klær noen ganger også lue, for å holde varmen om natta? Kan du forstå hvordan det er å grue seg til å våkne hver dag, hvordan det er å ikke se en ende på ting? Kan du se for deg hvordan det er å kikke i datohylla på Kiwi hver gang du handler, i håp om at det skal ligge noe næringsrikt der, som fisk eller annet, så du kan putte noe av det i fryseren hjemme. Kan du kjenne fortvilelsen min, Jonas? Kan du det?

 

Kan du forstå hvordan det er å planlegge dagen i morra, siden du må være våken om natta for å få vasket klær, når strømmen er billig (for det blir mye klær med tre barn og en voksen)? Kan du se for deg hvordan det er å ta en kattevask på deg selv, så barna får brukt varmtvannet? Kan se for deg hvordan det er å måtte planlegge hvilke dager det er “lov” for barna å bade? Kan du se for deg hvordan det er å sjekke timeplanen til barne for å se hvilke dager de kan dusje og dermed også vaske seg på skolen? Kan du se for deg det, Jonas? Kan du det?

 

Jeg husker med gru en debatt jeg på på TV2 sent på 90tallet. Da Kjell Magne Bondevik var statsminister. Der ei alenemor sa dette til han (direkte sitert) “Mitt største ønske er å kunne sende med sønnen min ferskt brød i matpakka”. Nå er det ikke lenge før jeg også er der. På grunn av renteøkning har boutgiftene mine steget med bortimot 1000,- mnd. Matprisen har også steget, så har utgiftene til drivstoff. Bilen står mye stille, den blir bare brukt når det er absolutt nødvendig. Huset er stort sett kaldt, og den lille veden jeg har blir spart på så mye som mulig, Lys blir skrudd av, huset er mørkt. Alt av pant blir lagret så lenge som mulig, i tilfellet jeg plutselig står uten penger noen dager. Trumf rabatt er en slags ekstrainntekt. Klær blir arvet, eller hentet på “gi det videre” her i kommunen jeg bor. Jeg er så sliten nå, Jonas. Så sliten. Kan du forstå det, Jonas? Kan du det?

Jeg har bare lyst til å sove. Våkne når det er over. Jeg vet ærlig talt ikke hvordan dette skal gå, hvor jeg skal snu meg eller hva mer jeg kan spare på. Sparer jeg mer på strømmen nå, så fryser røra i huset mitt, og det har jeg ikke råd til. Jeg flytta dyna mi opp i stua jeg, for i kjelleren er det for kaldt til å sove. Snart må jeg nok flytta madrasser opp her også, så vi kan bo i stua i vinter, alle fire. Holde varmen sammen. Kan du skjønner hvordan det føles, Jonas? Kan du det?

 

Du er vel Statsminister, er du ikke? Du har makta, du kan bestemme, du kan endre, du kan hjelpe. Du kan vel det, Jonas? Kan du ikke?

 

 

 

 

The silence that follows your little smirk is like the calm before the storm. His eyes darkens with hunger. A hunger you are unsure if you can satisfy. Then his face goes back to the normal non-expression. He takes a few steps back. Let’s go of your arms. You let them fall down to your sides. He looks at you, for something that feels like an eternity.

– Take off your clothes!

It’s like a command, but a soft one. If this is all he has, this will not be as big of a challenge as you originally thought. You slowly start to remove your clothes. It’s not much. Just your dress, your shoes and your underwear. He stands there and watches you, as you slowly remove one garment at a time. He doesn’t move a muscle. He is still fully dressed, just looking at you.

When you have your underwear left, you look away from him. You’ve never been in this kind of situation before, and you are becomming extremely aware of the fact that you don’t even know his name.

– Look at me!

His voice is stronger this time. This feels like a command. Maybe he is in charge of this. Well if he thinks he is, you are most certainly gonna give him a run for his money. No way you are gonna let him decide if he is going to or not. You want him, you need him. With another smirk, you look away again.

– I said. Look. At. Me!

– Then give me something to look at!

The hunger in his eyes comes back. His jaw tenses, and he walks with calm steps back towards you. You barley dare to breathe. What is he going to do? He places one hand carefully around your throat. Not hard. He just places it there. Like a sign of what he can do. Then he leans in close and whispers in your ear.

– Oh, I’m gonna show you what someone like me, does to little brats like you!

Fuck.

– If you keep calling me a brat, I’ll show you what a brat like me can do to someone like you!

What has gotten into you? This is so not you. Are you really so desperate, that you’ll put yourself in a posision for him to do this? He gently kisses your lips. And a soft moan escapes you. He pulls back again, and smiles at you.

– You liked that huh? How about this?

He takes his free hand and lets it slide down your stomach, all the way down to your underwear. Then he stops. You look at him. *God, just do it already*

– Answer me!

Another command, it seems like he is testing you, testing how far he can go. Although he could probably kill you, if he wanted to, you feel safe. He is conciderate. But at the same time dominant as fuck. You look at him. Once again you can’t make a sound. *Fuck*

He tilts his head again. Then he takes a hold of your hair. Not extremely hard, but hard enough. Another moan escapes you. He drags you closer to him.

– Answer. Me. NOW!

– YES. Yes. I like it allright. You fucking tease!

Another smile. What the fuck is he doing? If he is going to keep this up, you’ll probably come without him even removing his clothes. Well that would be just fucking perfect.

– Get down on your knees!

You look at him, blinking a couple of times.

– What?

– Get. Down. On. Your. Knees! Right now!

You sit down, it’s like you have no control over what you are doing. Again, he pins your hands over your head. And starts to unbuckle himself with his free hand. Finally he is taking his clothes off. At least some of them. You look at his hand, unbuckling his pants. *Oh god. I’m going to see it. It’s going to be right in front of me. Shit. What if it doesn’t look good? What if I’m no good? It’s not like I’ve done THAT that many times*

– Eyes on me, up here.

You look up at him. He is unbuckling himself painfully slow.

– That’s a good girl. Keep those beautiful eyes on me. Let me show you how much I am going to enjoy this!

You just comply. You keep your eyes on him. Don’t dare to look at his package. You know that it’s there, right in front of you. But you keep loking at him. His eyes. The hunger in them. Them alone make you wet as fuck.

– Now open your mouth…

You break eye contact for a second. You have to see. If he is going to fuck your throat you have to see. What if you can’t take it? He holds your hands in a tight grip, so you cant use them. *Oh, fuck. He’s big! Oh, God, please let him be gentle*

– Ahahah.. Keep looking at me. Up here! And part those lips of yours!

You do as you´re told. You’re scared, but it’s a good kida scared. A different kinda scared, something you have never felt before. An excitement that rushes through your entire body. *I would let this man do whatever the fuck he wants to me*

His lower body pushes your head against the wall, as he enters your mouth. He is careful. One bit at a time. His eyes locked….. He groans.

– Yes, that’s a good girl! Keep going! Fuck!

You don’t say much on the way back to your place. You are still a bit shaken up, and you don’t know what to say to him. You don’t even ask for his name.

When you reach your building, you stop.

– Well, this is my place. Thank you. You saved my life.

He looks at you, and then he looks at your building.

– You live here?

You don’t quite understand the question.

– Yes. Is it something wrong with this place?

– No, nothing wrong. I just didn’t know you lived here. I live right across the street. Up there.

He points up to the top floor of the building next to yours.

– Oh, so we’re neighbours then? Want to come up for a drink?

As soon as the words leave you, you regret it. You don’t even know this guy’s name. And even though he saved you, he could be dangerous. Hell, he probably is, carying a knife around like that. Who knows what more he hides inside his clothes. The thought drives your mind to a whole other side. Now it’s not weapons you think about anymore. *fuck, why did he have to be this handsome?*

– A drink sounds good. Yours or mine?

Great, he’s one of those. Confident, cocky. Probably rough. But then again, that’s how you like it. You think for a second..

– Mine. I think I have something to offer you.

Probably best and safest to use your place for this. You unlock the door, and lead the way up to your apartment. He follows, not showing a single sign of regret or anything actually. His face is determined. Like a predator, going after what he wants. Are you the prey?

Inside your appartment, you instantly regret choosing your place for this. Cardboard boxes everywhere. A total mess.

– God, I forgot all of this. I just moved in..

He smiles. Finally an expression on his face. You almost believed he was incapable of that. He walks over to your couch. Sits down.

– No worries. I can sit right here, and you.. You can sit there..

He points to the floor in front of him. You blink a couple of times..

– What? Why would I sit on the floor?

He tilts his head. Then he gets up, and comes over to you. Once again you are paralyzed. But this time because of exitement. This guy is intoxicating. You don’t even know his name, and you are completely lost. He has some kind of hold on you, something you can’t explain. He is standing dangerously close to you, your back is against the wall. Then he leans forward, and whispers to you.

– Can I tell you a little secret?

You can’t form words. Your whole body is drawn to him. His breath tickles your neck, and all you want to do is grab his shirt and just… He doesn’t wait for an answer. He just continues to whisper in your ear..

– I like to dominate.

You breathe in, hard. He stops for a second, but then he realises, that you’re not moving away, and continues his little foreplay.

– Don’t worry. I’ll never do anything you don’t want to. Pick a safe word.

His lips are now on your neck, and you lean your head back against the wall. You are shivering. You still can’t make a sound. It’s like you’re hypnotized.

– Pick. A. Safe. word. I can’t help you if you don’t…

He let’s the words linger for a second. *God, YN, just say something. Anything. Think of a fucking word* There is no use. Your brain stopped working. All you know is that you want this guy. Right now! You put your hands on his hips. But he removes them, still breathing into your neck. You can’t take this anymore. You try to touch him again. But this time, he pins your arms over your head, and looks you in the eye. His eyes are hungry. It’s like they look straight into your soul.

– So.. Safe word? Or don’t you need one?

You open your mouth to say something. But nothing is coming out. He is still looking at you, smiling.

– I think I know what you are…

You start to get a little irritated. What is he doing. Is he going to or what. Finally your brain is working again.

– What am I then?

– Right now? You’re mine!

– God, stop with the games. Are you going to or what?

His smile widens. It’s like he knows exactly what you are going to do. He plays this game, like a champ.

– Well. You’re a little brat, aren’t you!

You give in. Fuck the safe word, fuck everything. You just want him, and you can’t wait any longer.

– And you’re a tease!

You have absolutely no idea what’s gotten into you. What if he hurts you. You don’t even have a safe word, and you haven’t had sex that many times. David, was your third partner, and you just left him. And you have absolutely NO IDEA what this guy like. Exept that he told you he liked to dominate. You’re only half aware of what the term means.

You look at him again. He is still smiling to you.

– Oh, my sweet little thing. You have no idea of what you gotten yourself into, with that little insult.

You should probably be afraid of him. But his eyes looks kind. And right now, you don’t care. You just want him.

– Show me then. Or am I right, that you are a tease?

You manage to give him a smirk.

He squeezes tighter around your throat, you desperately try to tell him to stop, but because of his grip, you can’t make a sound. You feel like your lungs are about to explode. You look at him, your eyes pleading him to stop, but he only smiles back at you. You can feel your eyes closing, and the energy leaving your body. *This is it, he’s really going to kill me*

—————-

You are awaken by your own scream, covered in sweat, and breathing heavily. Fuck, another nightmare. That’s just fucking perfect. Third time this week, and it’s only Thursday. You turn around in your bed, and look at the time. 6pm, shit you fell asleep again, you should be unpacking. You sit up, and look around your bedroom. Still packed with cardboard boxes. Leaving David and Chicago was the only right choice, after what happened. But the move to New York, and this new job got you exhausted even though you haven’t started working yet.

You take a shower, the warm water relaxes you, and you are finally able to shake off the nightmare. You put on some new clothes, and decide to go out for a drink, or ten. You could really use some, and you dont start work until Monday, so you are allowed one hangover Day. God knows, you need it.

The bar down the street is still quiet. It’s still early. The only ones there are some regulars at the bar, and a group of badass guys all dressed in black, at one of the tables. You look at them. They all have the same shirts on. All black, except a white logo, on the left arm. Looks like a bird of some kind. They look totally jacked, like they are mercenaries or something. What kind of place did they actually put you in. You got your apartment through work. And they promised you that it was the safest place in the City.

You order a drink, and look around once more. You never feel safe anymore. David is still sending threatening messages, saying he’ll find you. And you know what’ll happen if he does.

After a couple more drinks, the bar starts to fill up, with more and more people. You start to feel the panic taking over. You don’t have control anymore. You go to the ladies room to compose yourself.

You splash your face with water, and look at yourself in the mirror. *Get it together YN. He would have found you by now*. You take a deep breath, before you open the door, and walk out into the hallway.

Before you can even think, someone is grabbing your neck, spins you around, and pins you to the wall. And then you look into those eyes. HIS eyes. You are so scared you can’t make a sound. Tears are running from your eyes, and every fiber in you prepares for the inevetable. *God, this is it. He is going to kill me. I am going to die, outside the ladies room, in a fucking sleezy bar*. You are pretty sure you can hear the adrenaline pumping away in your vains. You are totally paralyzed. Even when he lets go of your arms, to grab your throat, you are unable to move. You close your eyes. You will never in a million years give him the satisfaction of looking into your eyes when he does this.

You expect him to grab your throat, but that doesn’t happen. Instead you feel someone yanking him away from you. Then you hear a loud bang, as he hits the wall on the other side of the hall. Then another bang. You finally dare to open your eyes. And then you see one of those badass guys standing over David, punching him repeatedly.

– We don’t treat women like that!

One punch for each word spoken. You are still paralysed. You want to say something, but your whole body is in shock.

Then the guy standing over David, takes out a knife from his boot. You did not see that coming. You take one step forward. You are shaking so bad, that you have to steady yourself against the wall. So again, you just observe.

The guy puts the whole length of the blade against David’s throat.

– God knows I want to do this. BUT, I won’t, because of this beautiful lady standing behind me. But if I EVER see you put one finger on her or any other lady for that matter again. Trust me when I say, I will use it on you. Now, leave, before I change my mind!

David gets up, glance at you once, and then he leaves. You still cant make a sound. The guy comes over to you.

– Are you OK? Do you know that guy?

You take a deep breath, and look up at him. He is handsome. He is well built. You can see that, even trough his clothes. Dark hair, Brown eyes. He has a playful boyish kinda look, but at the same time, you can tell that he is older than you.

– Did he hurt you?

You shake your head..

– He.. He is my… WAS my boyfriend.

The guy looks at you.

– Boyfriend? Really? How did a beautiful girl like you, end up with a loser like him?

You look at him.. Beautiful?

– It’s a long story..

– Well I’ve got time. If not, I can walk you home. You wouldn’t believe how many of him it is out there.

You contemplate having a drink with him, and talk. But decide against it. You do however take him up on the offer of walking you home.

HURRA!!

Jeg er tilbake på blogg.no. Tusen tusen takk blogg.no for at dere ønsker å inkludere meg. Dette blir gøy!

Som overskriften sier, jeg er forfatter. Ikke publisert ennå, dessverre. Men forhåpentligvis, vil det komme etterhvert.

Her på bloggen, vil jeg legge ut mine historier, kapittel for kapittel, samt litt videoer, håndarbeid, grafisk design, matlaging, og mye mye mer. Jeg gleder meg vilt til å dele alt dette med alle dere andre fantastiske bloggere her på blogg.no.

Historiene mine er fortrinnsvis på engelsk, da jeg skriver for et bredt publikum, også i utlandet. Jeg starter dette første innlegget med å dele coveret til min mest populære historie.

Heng deg på, dersom du som meg digger å lese 50 Shades Of Grey lignende historier, spekket med litt humor og drama.